Saturday, January 11, 2014

yawn. tired. exhausted. depressed, clinically so. missing: writing time. surfing. sleep.

baby is fat and happy and starting to want me in the night instead of his Dad. Dad and I not getting on well at all. he seems to think "helping" is optional and that when I ask for help it's a rebuke. etc.

even if I had time I wouldn't be up to writing. definitely depressed. everything seems too hard, etc. always sleepy, but still waking up early and finding it hard to nap. am not going to dr yet. also too hard, and what would they do, give me drugs? all I need is some sleep and my life back.

baby is having conversations with me and loves to look at the blue sky through the green leaves of trees.

A. is doing OK, though I feel guilt and stress at not being able to do all I'd normally do with him in school hols. on Thursday struggled through a 2-hour magic show in a large theatre with baby on my breast so A. could feel he'd done something fun, not just helped me with the baby and stared at the computer.

next week is all 35 degrees+ and I have to drive to the country and back to drop A off with grandparents. really would rather just stay home in the a/c with baby.

too many things to do. had better go do them.

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