Thursday, March 30, 2006

question for Freud: is it possible to be anal retentive before you're even potty trained? I gave A. a pile of five cent pieces (dimes to you yanks) today, and he would not give them back; he kept offering one, then pulling it back from my open palm.

TV power: dressing A. in front of Playschool has its benefits. He says "no trousies". I turn the TV off. He says "yes trousies" and the TV goes back on.

and useful information if you have breast cancer in remission and no lymph nodes: in this situation, even a small cut, quickly disinfected, can cause what's left of your immune system to create a small, hard lump in the relevant armpit weeks later that will freak you out. still, I'd rather have that unlikely explanation from my GP than the ultrasound referral I was sure she was going to give me.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

I seem to have neglected to post the latest plastic surgery news: I'm booked in for stage one of a three-operation saga on April 19. first they put a placcy bag in there. then I go see the doctor regularly to be "expanded". then they replace the placcy bag with a (hopefully) safe implant. then, at some later stage again, we do a "nipple reconstruction" and tattooing-fest.

my main concern with all this is that it will seriously curtail my swimming. that, and that I not miss seeing A. for a day, which I've never done yet. oh, and how I'm going to handle the padding issue when I have, literally, half a breast.

interesting development department: SIL, DH's sister, recently broken up with her girlfriend, is apparently thinking of having a child. not being - nor wanting to be - particularly intimate with her, I have no further details. I don't know how she plans to achieve this, if she is planning to be a single mother, etc etc.

it would certainly, to put it in the kindest possible terms, be a hell of a learning curve for her to be responsible for a child alone. she's a talented artist, but from what I can see is wasting masses of time and not focussing on how to get the most of out of her opportunities to do her art. I've never thought of her as the kind of person who's well organised and reliable; but I know that having kids changes people, and changes them fast.

tomorrow I get a day off: it's going to be hot, so I'm leaving dh at home with A while I go up to the country place to clean it, do a bit of a check, contemplate the cost of re-roofing it, that kind of thing. and yes, I'll also listen to music in the car that's not the Wiggles, eat lunch in a restaurant and actually finish an article, and quite probably do a bit of uni/other reading and even some writing without having one ear cocked for the inevitable cry of "mummy" from the other room.

it's amazing what passes for a holiday these days.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

oh, and have I mentioned that he's refusing to sleep again? wouldn't "go off" until 9.30 last night, and woke up screaming twice overnight. so I'm so tired I'm walking into walls. literally; I have the gash on my forehead to prove it.

how the hell am I supposed to come up with something original to say in fiction about the nature of identity in the middle of all this? I just am. and I will.

the wonders of Magic Mummy: this morning, I "told" the TV to play Bob the Builder (knowing of course that it was on next.)

Then A refused to let me take his PJs off so I could dress him. I said "Telly off?" as a threat. the TV cooperated by losing signal right then for about five seconds and going blank. then it came back on, he let me dress him, and Mummy as ruler of the world was reconfirmed in her rightful place.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

in the night, he cries. I go to him; he's standing up in his cot. he grabs me around the waist and gives me a hug. his little hands flap back and forth on my hips, like the flippers on a pinball machine.

spelling things out: yes, we've got to that stage. it's either spell things out, or use outrageous euphimisms. so Bob the Builder, when we don't want him to suddenly demand the TV on, is B-O-B the constructions specialist.

what I like about him: he's kind. he will give another little kid a hug or a kiss if they're upset. he's (sometimes) willing to share his toys.

the morning naps are gone forever. it's a terrible thing for my writing and any non-baby activities. can't think how it will be when he drops the afternoon nap. I don't think I'll let him do that until he's at school.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I went back to a surrogacy discussion group that I've been off for a while, and posted a few facts about local law reform proposal. I noted, neutrally, that the proposal calls for at least one of the intended parents having a biological link to the child (ie, no egg donor plus sperm donor plus gs, or sperm donor plus traditional surrogate).

someone posted a reply "fair enough" and I was surprised and I guess disappointed that even in that zone of radical feminist practice (they wouldn't call themselves that, they come across as simply dedicated mums and good women wanting to help others), that biological link is so priveleged.

because the more I think about it, the more I think your parents are the ones who wanted you, who dreamed you into existence. and if that dreaming takes the form of organising three separate donors of time and physical effort, it's still a dream.

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