Tuesday, October 29, 2002

babies are expensive.

Monday, October 28, 2002

for some reason my friends think the idea of me freezing babies is funny.

and I said later to my husband (putting on the voice of a TV chef)
"here's one I prepared earlier!"

and he laughed.

big induction on Friday.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

dr away. nice nurse said drs say spotting isn't a problem but if it gets heavier I should let them know.

just for the record; still spotting at a regular rate. day 12.

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

MizJenna is moving on. I hope she has a great time fostering; she must have a lot to give.

as someone else once said, if the Pill was for men, would they say that "nausea, bleeding, headaches and bloating", plus the odd DEATH, were in the acceptable range?
I am still bleeding a little, and it's day 11! don't know if last night's nasty headache was a side effect; will worry about it if I start getting them more than once a week. breast tenderness and a general feeling of off-colourness are definitely there. This is a summary of the fx. (PDF file)

Monday, October 21, 2002

at work with headache. not good for much anyway, so blogging.

big blowup Sunday with husband; turns out he told his parents about the ivf while I was away. then didn't tell me he'd told them. we are still working through how betrayed and excluded I feel about that, and the fact he can't see the problem. bizarre.

watched the fairly amateur "video" last night. the acting and muzak were vaguely porn-movie. I guess it helps to see some procedures. but the bit about him producing the sperm was a guy going into a room - you don't even see the inside of the room - and emerging with an esky a few minutes later. not very reassuring for the boy, not that he's worried. he has yet to produce his test sample, is going to this week. but we're sure that's fine, it's already been tested.

confirmed my suspicion that implantation involves the dreaded catheter-up-the-cervix. they said they normally don't use painkillers or sedatives. they bloody will with me. and extreme care, too; that was the procedure that hurt like hell just after my operation.

a needle into my ovary with drugs sounds like a doddle by comparison

oh, and the Pill seems to be making me bleed. it's day 9 and I still have some spotting. very unusual. breasts a bit swollen too. but I don't blame it for the headache. I get them, especially on Mondays.

Friday, October 18, 2002

some useful fact sheets from a proper medical journal on all this stuff.

a few straight words on downside of IVF things like twins etc.
with some stuff about why the Pill helps IVF succeed towards the middle.

my Pill goes by the lovely name of Microgynon 20ED.
I've established it is a "low-dose" Pill
but I still think it's making me feel a bit odd. sluggish, like. bit mucousy in the mouth. that kind of thing.
and it will probably make me put on weight, regardless of my fairly active exercise regime. boring.

nurses report: diana "scheduled me in".
this doesn't mean she actually told me anything. she muttered about nasal sprays and said all would become clear at our induction. woo-hoo.

don't know how well this is working.

anyway, yesterday was the blood test day. we both needed tests for just about everything before the program could start.
so I suggested we go together, to a clinic I've found with a nice nurse.
it was 1.15 pm, and husband hadn't had lunch - you can see what's coming, can't you? I'd eaten. he went first. I don't like the blood thing; I don't look and try not to think about it, or to think of the poor people in much worse states than me. there was a different nurse, but still nice - she was 10 minutes off her lunch break and still took us in.
so my test was over and I was just marvelling at the redness of my blood in the vial when husband says "I'm feeling a bit lightheaded, is there anything..."
the nurse said "lie down", and I thought something along the lines of husband being a bit wet.
then he kind of pitched forwards off the bed-thing he was sitting on, and I had to get under him before his head hit the floor. yes, he's a fainter. the poor thing. he woke up again pretty fast, and just kind of lay there coming to for a while.
apparently fainting takes a while to recover from. all the blood runs to your feet and boom, you're over. I still don't know if it was the actual needle, or watching mine (I told him not to) that did it. but he's done it before, I find out now, after giving blood.
so all future blood tests are to be done horizontally. and I will for-sure find a levelheaded WOMAN to be in labour ward with me. I like the woman who helped with K last month (little baby I. is doing great; K is overwhelmed, of course, and her husband has gone back overseas for the next four weeks, that's another story). so maybe I'll ask her, I mean the other woman. don't know her at all, but she did well, she's mature (50-60) and gets off on new babies. perfect.
got me a fainter. heh.

Wednesday, October 16, 2002



Tuesday, October 15, 2002

but I like my dr.
she rang today, a day earlier than I expected.
she has told me to ring the nurses and tell them to "program me in" with my date of induction etc.
thunderbirds are go! bring on the sharp needles and hormonal tears!

had lots of d&ms with husband at weekend about general r'ship stuff. he did ask if we were ready to have kids, given all that. did not say "well, we have to be, I'm 36, you know?" but thought it. it will work out. he just doesn't see conflict as a normal part of marriage; I totally do.

you would be amazed how many people out there are looking for Gwen' Harwood's In the Park.
and they all seem to end up here.

is it too soon for the hormones to be kicking in? I'm usually pretty cool, but today I'm having baby cravings really badly. they seem to be everywhere. and when will it be my turn?

Monday, October 14, 2002

hah. I've checked the literature they gave me very carefully, and while there's plenty about giving yourself permission to resent other people's babies (tactfully put, like "you don't have to visit newborns"), and about hating your partner, there is not one word about hating impatient receptionists.
my dr has a couple; some are nice. this one today didn't give her name - from now on I'll ask "who's this", as it helps when I call back on the same matter not to have to ask "was it you I was speaking to" - I mean, even restaurants have scripts telling staff to say "Susan speaking" or whatever these days - anyway, sorry, I'm in a rush, I said I'd called to notify them I'd started the Pill, as asked, but I didn't know what that meant for timing and if my induction appt was still OK, or in fact if there was any point this cycle - I mean, if we can't start this cycle, I don't want to be on the bloody CONTRACEPTIVE PILL, do I? and did I need to speak to the dr, maybe I did to be sure, all that vague and unsure female patient stuff.
and she (the receptionist) asked if I'd started my period or pill on Saturday and I said both, which was a lie, but I was supposed to start simultaneously and I hope it's close enough, then she asked if I'd started the pills in, I can't remember, the green area? and I said I thought it was red, and there was this silence, you know the one you do when someone is clearly an idiot and you are gathering strength to persevere with even speaking to them? and I was well aware of this, then she asked if I'd started on the white pills, and I said no, pink, I think, the packet's too far away for me to check, wondering if I was doing it wrong (followed instructions in packet, but that's for birth control, eh? and she clearly gave up and said the dr isn't in until Wednesday anyway, she'll have to call me. and I wanted to ring back and say hey, aren't the drs meant to cover for each other and what if I shouldn't be taking these pills like this but she has me intimidated and I think she's a little cow, and do I have the right to think that? it doesn't say so in the leaflet. maybe I'll ask the counsellor on the first.

oh, and the temperatures were shown to be right: 12 days from ovulation as shown by the LH test to my period. like I didn't know that.

trotted up to the pharmacy and got my pill today. should have started Saturday, but I assumed it was like the other Pill I was on years ago, that started with lactose tabs. this one ends with them. anyway, took one immediately, so the hormonal fun begins! still nearly three weeks till we see the doctor. wonder if the pharmacist assumed that I was trying not to have babies?

Thursday, October 03, 2002

some of my referrals from Google are rather poignant: "telling husband about baby", "one year of trying and still not pregnant".
thankfully, the ones from persons I'd rather not have here are decreasing.

my friend with the new baby rang me to check if I thought her obstetrician was cute.
which I found weird, considering what he did to her. and the stitches that are still healing.
I said maybe he was, but that I suspected she was merely suffering a reaction to the intensity of the experience.

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

and in the end, it wasn't that bad at all, once we got started...

is it normal for a man not to want oral sex? I mean really, is it?
because of the LH surge, we're supposed to try for the next three days. tubes or not (the blockage could have been a mere spasm), we still have a chance naturally, and it would be just dandy to fall now and avoid all this IVF; once we're on that, our "natural" chances are slim.
I'm settling for day two, which makes today the fourth straight day.
and I'm a bit sick of it too; last night I didn't even bother to make it all the way, all I wanted was for him to.
so for tonight I planned to put him in the shower and then, you know, to make it more fun for us both. wasn't prepared for the total unexcitedness. yes, it's a bit of a grind. but I don't do that often, and I'd hoped it would create a flicker of excitement.
nothing. nada.
he's in the shower now. we're going to do it, grimly.


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