Friday, February 28, 2003

 
yup, still pregnant. this may go on for quite some time.

 
still pregnant.

 
pregnant.

 
well, that was fun.
I've just spent nearly $300 on baby books and magazines. no, really.
won't list them all here. there are two generic pregnancy books - Miriam Stoppard's is looking good - one on active pregnancy from a writer who also writes on active birth in the Kitzinger school, Kaz Cook's Up the Duff, which looks like it may not tell me much but maybe amuse me a little - and I always promised myself I'd get it when I got pregnant. as well, there's a nutrition book and a book on becoming a dad so husband feels involved. then three magazines which I will read from time to time. they are no doubt information-free, but will give me something to look at. also a book of short stories/rl tales on pregnancy and birth.

the girl in the bookshop where I bought 4 of the books asked if they were all for me. and I said yes and she said congratulations. isn' that cute?

so I'm picking through the early stages and birth bits. I don't have to read them all at once. already taking notes on what to ask at the hospital and what I need to include in a birth plan - ha! plan!.

most torn about the dr question. the man who delivered my friend's baby has an excellent reputation. the woman who treated me before is nice, but I have no idea if she's good at caesars and epistiotomies (sp?). and because I'm in a position to choose, I feel pressed to do so. in 2 weeks when I've met the woman again it will be too late to get the man - he is that popular, all the midwives use him.




 
hehe. child care post: edited:
northcote: Time Out and is happy with them, I preferred the look of the Annie Dennis Centre, North Fitzroy Coop looked like a dump, I hear Alladin is meant to be good.
You probably have best chance of getting into Time Out.

 
my question to the oz bb about hospitals - check back later for responses.

hi,
this is my first post here and I'm very grateful for any advice.
my ob/gyn works at Frances Perry, the Freemason's and St V's private.
many of my friends have delivered at FP and been happy with it. the Freemason's is my second home, as I've been doing IVF there (yes it can work!). and I attended a friend's delivery at St V's last year. I'm sure they're all very good.
I know Freemason's doesn't have the ICU a sick baby might need; but I'm not planning on that.

if anyone has comments, particularly on their treatment of older mothers (37 when I deliver in November), how much information and choice they give you, and caesarian deliveries - do they push for them, do they do them well? (fair chance I'll have one) - I'd love to hear them. we're doing the tours over the next few days, but need to book in soon.

thanks,
bb

I can't get onto my US forums. very annoying. they too have an Australian area, and I hope to get info from there.


 
what it it with the ducks? the UK board has pictures of real baby ducks on its bulletin board (it's worse if you come in through the main page, that has a baby picture; sometimes stressful, and harder to hide at work. and essential baby has a rubber ducky.

it's like the pyjama problem I had last year for my hospital visit; is everything going to be CUTE from here on in?

evil thought: where can I get black baby clothes? this will be a Melbourne child, after all.

 
just logged in to get my password for a new local forum, where I plan to hunt for local dr/hospital tips. there are at least half a dozen emails from people who read this blog. I'm going to read them this afternoon and reply. but it's so nice, not being able to tell rl friends/family yet, to have people happy for me.

 
wow. super-busy. I now have one appt with my ob/gyn, one for my "six week scan", which is actually four weeks after conception, and two tours of private hospital delivery units to do tomorrow morning. plus another on Tuesday night.

the dr who did my laparascopy last year does deliveries. I've booked in with her, and provisionally at the same hospital that did my IVF. but I want to check the other two places too. my friend had her baby at St V's private, and that was OK; though I wasn't that keen on the actual delivery room. very hospital-ish.

insisted on earlier appt with my ob/gyn than normal, so I could switch if I decided she wasnt' for me. so now I have to rush off and get baby books so I know what a birth plan is and what I should be looking for. birth plan. that's gotta be an oxymoron, huh?

so glad I tested on Thursday; now I can spend my day off organising all this.

 
how it went down on the phone at 2.35 pm yesterday:

Me: "it's js, you did my blood test this morning:"
Anna (knowingly) "oh yes, I was just about to call you."
and that's when I knew.
Anna: "it's a good result"
me "come on, tell me the number!"
anna:"703"
and about then it all degenerated into me sobbing and saying thank you
and
her telling me scan dates (which looks too early, btw; must check that)
and
saying something about sending off literature about pregnancy, rarara.

so that's it.


 
an Australian baby site I need to check out.

 

these are all the posts I couldn't put up while Blogger was down:

Patients with a history of a biochemical pregnancy or a clinical
spontaneous abortion had an ongoing clinical pregnancy rate in the next cycle of
38.4% and 42.3%, respectively, compared with 27.3% in women who had a history
of a negative pregnancy test.



monash study on embryo donation:



temps tuesday/wednesday: 98 and 98.4, but feeling a bit numb to other's news of pregnancy and even the word itself.

2nd Nuzyael Glinde the Midwife Patron saint of Conception



and is my uterus twinging when I get angry on the road? doesn't the baby
like it? frig, it's like being an extra in A Clockwork Orange, or the
Monkey
God with that tiara that hurts him every time Tripitaka is displeased. a
glimpse of life no longer being About Me.
(ps: this was before testing, btw.)

Thursday morning:

goddam it's annoying not being able to post. slept really badly last
night.
temps still up. so I woke up, it's day 14pt, and I thought dammit, I'm
going
to test today.

so I drove up to the clinic early and it was no problem, they just did
the
test. now I'm at work, feeling my uterus cramp and watching the clock.
am
going out for lunch and will make the call from my car just after 2.
either
way, I'll have to come back to work; it won't be easy, but at least I'm
busy. and very, very sleepy and tired from several very poor sleeps.


Thursday, February 27, 2003

 
BabyMed Pregnancy Calendar for
babybaby Due Date (40w0d): 11/2/2003
Date of Fertilization (2w1d): 2/10/2003 Ultrasound Anatomy Scan (19 to 20 weeks): 6/8/2003 to 6/15/2003
Fetal heart beat should be seen (7w0d): 3/16/2003 Fetus usually starts moving (18-20 weeks): 6/1/2003 to 6/16/2003
Nuchal Translucency (11w+2 to 13w+6): 4/15/2003 to 5/5/2003 Fetus becomes viable (24w0d): 7/13/2003
Triple Screen (15 to 18 weeks): 5/11/2003 to 6/2/2003 Glucose Screen (24-28 weeks): 7/13/2003 to 8/11/2003
Amniocentesis (17 to 18 weeks): 5/25/2003 to 6/2/2003 Term delivery (37-42 weeks): 10/12/2003 to 11/17/2003

 
oh, so NOW it works.
blogger has been down for about 2 1/2 days. so I have a backlog of stuff to blog.

but anyway: I AM PREGNANT!

(can't work out how to do red letters right now. mind too confused)

lots of stuff to say, but the short story is that I went in early (actually on time, 14dpt) this morning and my reading is 703. this is fabulously high.

of course I burst into tears on the phone and had to go for a walk in the park to find a quiet place to say the words out loud: "I'm pregnant." going back to work and doing mundane jobs was surreal, and I left as soon as I could. I am going to have an actual baby. and a fat, pregnant body. and morning sickness. woo-hoo. I have slight cramps but they don't worry me; that HcG is just perfect.

husband didn't know I went in early. so I cornered him tonight and he saw the smug look on my face and said "you haven't been sneaky and tested early, have you" and I just smiled and nodded. then I told him the ready. he seemed strangely calm, so I told him to get excited and jump up and down. so he jumped up and down.

this is all too much. no time tonight. will sort out my many, many thoughts in the morning.

pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.

Monday, February 24, 2003

 
faintly disturbing trend; the ad at the top of this page seems to be for Russian adoption services quite often lately. I'm sorry about any other inappropriate baby-related ads that may appear. I guess blogspot has logs of search terms too, and it is free...
am considering Blogger Pro for another blog of mine. I'll see if I can roll this one in on the deal, as I'd rather not have ads like that there.

nothing happening. 98.2. four sleeps to go.

Sunday, February 23, 2003

 
temp down to 97.9 this morning. which is rather depressing. no more twinges today. we'll see.

dinner last night was not oysters and champagne. it was fizzy mineral water and fried whiting. stupid restraint. boring.

Saturday, February 22, 2003

 
temp this am - 98.4 degrees. this is .2 degrees higher than I got on the IVF cycle, and very high for me in general. but of course it could be the pessaries. everything could be the pessaries. the odd small twinge/ache. no period yet.

went and got another 14 of the little wax pyramids today, too. regular pharmacy was closed so I had to go to the "main" branch of the hospital I go to, which turned out to be dreary and depressing. it has that "we only treat terminal cancer here" feel, low ceilings, long corridors. their maternity ward is over where the IVF clinic is, and I'm considering using it if I get pregnant. certainly wouldn't if maternity was at the old campus. blah.

Friday, February 21, 2003

 
driving to the pool today (yes, I'm swimming; only once a week and slowly), I felt some definite dull pains in my abdomen. my period's due tomorrow. but the pessaries will probably delay it.

in other news, the drought seems to have broken today. is it an omen?

 

I need to start having my friends over for Scrabble more often, continue rock climbing and being physical, go horse back riding with my sister, read my books, clean my house more often, and basically just spend the time I do have with my daughter and hubby and not be so apathetic and self absorbed...I just don't know if I can leave all this behind, if maybe I'll need it to do the other...I'm tired.


my thoughts exactly. or at least, the general tone of them. need to do this, do that, have the life I'd like to think I'm having. this isn't quite a ttc blog, but an interesting woman being honest about adoption, infertility, trying to have a life.

(via Dawn)

 
a pregnancy calendar with bonus Chinese gender prediction.
better get off this PC and get a life now.

 
wow. that emby site has stage-by-stage illustrations. just what I need - IF I get pregnant.

 
saw friend whose baby I saw born last night (and baby of course). baby is now a big cuddly five-month old. funny, didn't feel jealous at all. maybe because I Know Too Much; not just about the birth but also about the effort motherhood is taking for her.
period due tomorrow. this is the start of the really crazy time. I don't know yet whether the pessaries will hold off my period; they can, but last time it was an actual implantation. so I'll be on tenterhooks. one week minus 1/2 hour to test time. one week plus 7 1/2 hours to results.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

 
some site I haven't even looked at yet. about embys apparently.

day seven. very faintly sniffly nose. so pathetic am I I'm hoping it's a sign my immune system is reacting to implantation. which made me think; was the minor cold sore I got just before the biochemical an immune system thing? and if so, I should have mentioned it. maybe my body is not that happy about this invader thing.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

 
I'm FAR too grumpy and premenstrual to be pregnant.

 
yay, I found her:

When we get to the end of this journey no matter how it turns out I know it is happening this way for a reason. Mark my words, we will have children one way or another. And if you stick around my blog you'll be there for it too.

 
Shannon has believed she would be a mother most of her life. One of God's greatest gifts to me was helping me to be in a relationship with a woman whose abilities and love I trust so much that I want to be a parent with her.
And we can't.
This sucks in ways that I can't even begin to describe.



 
how annoying. I found a blog the other day by a woman who's about to start IVF - I was sure I picked out a quote and blogged her, but now I can't find her, and can't remember enough details to Google her.

have small headache and am claiming to be working from home for an hour or two to put off the inevitable officeness. sadly, my workmates have found my regular blog, so I can't say there tha I'm torn between my desire to just f-off the whole place and my desire to have enough money to make certain lifestyle changes I'm contemplating (apart from babies; I am quite willing to let dh fund that, I figure I'm putting enough in with my whole body on the line!). being VERY bad; having 1/2 a weakish coffee and some toast and jam right now. it's the first strong craving I've had all week and I'm feeling down enough to just give in.

last night I was in one of my "talk to me" moods. ended up having a cuddle and a cry. waiting and wondering and constantly having this stuff in the back of my mind. and you can't just "forget about it". forget about a live embryo in my uterus and whether it will become a baby or not? what are you, a ROBOT?

it's exhausting. truly. I know people go through far worse, but because this is a Secret and I wouldn't get that much sympathy at work anyway, I have to pretend everything's normal. at least if there was some personal disaster I'd have social permission to go to pieces.

I'm well overdue for some time with my friends and general R & R. just can't figure out a way out of the routine right now.

Monday, February 17, 2003

 
not supposed to be doing this at work.
but my mind is racing ahead.
this cycle: Feb (8 left)
next: March (7 left)
then 2 in april, allowing for one not defrosting means about 4 left.
so we do a cycle with 2 in May. (2 left)
and if that doesn't work, I'm going to insist on doing another stim cycle. I'll be 37, looking at 39 before I can go onto stims again if I get pregnant on the last two.
and I don't like those odds, of either getting pregnant again or not getting a Down's syndrome child. I don't know what the law says on this, but if we can, that's what we'll do. if we get to that point we'll know it takes heaps of embies to get me pregnant, and I'll be MUCH happier if I can have a few left over. ideally will get pregnant by the April cycle at the latest. will probably bring this up before the May one, when we're down to 4.

yes I should be hoping for even one child. but normal people get to have 2, 3, whatever they want. in my heart I'd like 3, but will manage with 2, which is what husband would like.

right, work.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

 
awoke from my Sunday afternoon nap with the thought: what incredible hubris. trying to make a human being.
in our own image, no less.
it can't be possible. I don't see how anyone has ever managed it.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

 
no news of my own.
but on my UK board, a woman who chose not to freeze the only good emby she had - thaw rates too low there - has been told one of the poorer embies "came good" so two were frozen after all. but they'd donated them to research, now she doesn't know if they're "hers" and is upset coming off a failed cycle.
meanwhile, on my Australian board, a woman at another clinic - not mine, thank God - has had her embies "accidentally" thawed. they cancelled a FET cycle but forgot to tell the embryologists. one was refrozen but now she's going back onto stims. I thought they were supposed to be CAREFUL with those frosties? it's a very large clinic, too.

the moral being, I suppose, to maintain as much control as possible under all circumstances. if they don't ask your birthdate, make them (to avoid the wrong records being used). if you're unsure about the way it's being done, question it. if you don't like the blood test date you have, at least try to insist on another. we're infertile, not fools.

Friday, February 14, 2003

 
of course I couldn't be feeling twinges in my uterus yet. no implantation is happening.

dinner was a nice Chinese herbal-based meal, sparkling mineral water (and the tiniest sip of champagne), followed by a vague wander and we'll be in bed by 10. hey, we're old married people, husband was up working in the middle of the night and I have a headache.

besides, we had our Valentine's cuddle this morning, as per protocol.
;-)

 
so, baby dreams already.
it involved my friend K., us being at the house of, apparently, my uncle's G's wife's new boyfriend's house, only they'd split up... (afaik uncle and wife are still very married!)
there were two babies, one normal, another the typical baby dream tiny weak thing. but cute. appealing face. I was worried about it stopping moving. then it started to lick at a spot K had scratched, and I could see all its organs there.
told the new boyfriend man and he seemed unconcerned. I thought it was because the baby had already been so weak and sick (premmy?) they couldn't afford to worry about it dying.
then a whole lot of people turned up to party on. new boyfriend man was a rich lawyer type, apparently. asked when G's wife was coming back but of course they'd broken up.

temp up to 36.8. has to be the progesterone. dr said implantation should be in about five days.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

 


this is so funny (from the boards)


http://www.fertnet.com/html/crunch_time.html

"There is much mythology regarding the post-transfer period. Programs vary widely in their recommendations for activity after the transfer. I’ve had patients tell me that they were told to lie motionless for several days. Many patients spend the entire 11 days between transfer and pregnancy test in bed, and patients often express intense feelings of guilt and remorse if they have to move about more than they think they should be.

In a word, this is all nonsense.

At Saint Barnabas, we recommend lying down for 30 minutes after transfer. I fully believe that is 28 minutes too long. The uterus is a potential space, meaning that walls of the uterus quickly envelope the embryos after they’re transferred, leaving them really no place to go. Neither coughing nor sneezing, nor picking up a pet nor a young child, nor laughing, nor arguing of one’s spouse is likely to dislodge the embryos after an embryo transfer. I’ve long proposed a research study where we had half of our patients jump up and down on a trampoline after embryo transfer to prove that activity was unimportant. I fear, however, that I may have difficulty convincing patients to sign the consent form for that study.

Why am I so adamant about this? In my 10 years of doing IVF, I’ve found that patients will look for any possible reason to blame themselves if a cycle does not work. I spend an awful lot of time reassuring patients that they did nothing to adversely affect the outcome of their cycle. No one needs a new source of stress during an IVF cycle.

I have few recommendations for my patients in the interval after transfer. It seems prudent to avoid extremes of heat, whether through vigorous exercise, or through saunas, Jacuzzis or steam. It’s appropriate to refrain from alcohol and not to decide to take up smoking or drug use. Embryos that are destined to survive and turn into a good pregnancy are hardy. The course cannot be altered by something going on anatomically miles away from the inside of the uterus.

Copyright David Sable, M.D.

All rights reserved. © 2000"

 
lots of pictures (from a site dr recommended)

 
embryo tx time: 1.25 pm.

 
oh, and my left breast is INCREDIBLY ITCHY. and I can't put my usual cortisone cream on it because I'm being Pure.

 
my math's not so good. but if I ovulated Tuesday, this is day 2, right? so the emby is a day 3?? how does that work? that site calls them "4-day" embies. so it will start to burrow in a day in advance of me being exactly ready?
never mind, my cycle's short anyway, and I'd rather it tried early than late.

 
and again; this page with a pretty photo of a morula brought me down with "embryo arrest at the morula stage is not uncommon".
not my morula, buddy!

 
ps: joke #1; I said I hoped it wouldn't come out the other end at 10 lb, it was growing so fast.

and already I'm worrying; the dr warned me there was a spot of blood that would come out. it's only tiny, but I stared at it and thought "what if the embryo's in there?"

hey ho. here we go. expect no sense at all from me until March.

 
heh. heh. heh.
feeling well pleased with myself. not only did the one they chose - I guess it was the other Grade One - not only did it thaw with NO cell losses, it went on in only a day from yesterday from 4-cell to morula, which is too many cells to bother counting (16 or so in reality).

so the quality of our embryos was praised greatly. the dr said one of them would work, she just didn't know yet which time it would be.

the whole transfer thing was really not uncomfortable at all - she was very slow and gentle. we got to see the little tyke on the screen before it was sucked up into the catheter. afterwards we walked very slowly back to the car, and I let dh drive me home. he nicked off back to work and I had a sleep. now it's just a 15 day wait and we're right! whoo-hoo. let the obsessing begin!

today's embryologist; Anna.

 
driving into work this morning, my mobile rang. once I'd managed to pull over to talk, I found it was Felicity "from East Melbourne". it's cute how they use code on the phone too.

anyway, they've moved my time to 1.20pm. this is very pleasing. the sooner I get that emby in the better. I didn't even think that it would be any kind of bad news. have rescheduled husband and am planning to leave work at 11.30, eat lunch (if I'm not too nervous), shop for food then be there at 1.

butterflies are starting...

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

 
things I'm not allowed to do on Valentine's Day:

eat chocolate
drink champagne
eat oysters
go out partying

things I HAVE to do on Valentine's Day:

snog my husband (it's part of the protocol, doncha know?)

so I rang from a busy cafe (in a corner seat facing a wall) and said I was calling about a "procedure". the nurse - didn't get her name this time - said "transfer? embryo transfer?" and I said "yes, that's it". I mean, it's still a public place! if not as bad as work for eavesdropping.

4.15 pm. how late is THAT? I wanted it in the morning, or just after lunch.

in theory I could come to work and just leave at 3.30. but I've just busted my tail getting all my work done this week - one thing to go - and I think I'll compromise by coming in in the morning, then heading home for a short pre-tx nap.

surprised I can think about anything else. expect I won't be able to do so for the next few weeks. feeling way hopeful. ready to go shopping for maternity clothes, even.

Monday, February 10, 2003

 
ps: this morning only confirmed I should not have home pregnancy tests. I'd be up doing the bloody thing at 5 in the morning. I'm swearing a lot today, huh? feeling quite grumpy really.

and if I tx on a thursday, I test on a thursday. can I make the superhuman effort to put it off a day so I can get results at peace in home? would be best. but very very hard.

 
quickly b/c I'm at work and have also hurt my wrist and it KILLS to type:
yay surge. at 4-bloody-am, mind you. I don't trust refrigerating it, and once I'd put it on the strip I needed to see, didn't I?
first I rang the Women's by mistake and got Amanda, who gave me the right number.
then Mitzi at the clinic put me through to Diane the nurse after a very long wait (luckily I was in an empty office I'd found, for privacy). Diane sympathised about the 4am thing and said I'd be coming in Thursday. which I knew and which is also my busiest work day. so I have to get all my work done in three days, b/c I don't really want to come in on Friday to make the time up. I can get a certificate from my dr for the day - it might even be a morning tx, which would suck even more. so I've just told my annoying work colleague, who wants to chat about the weekend, I'm very busy, so I can get on with stuff.

have to call again on wed between 1-3 for the exact time.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

 
no line. temp low. annoying as if it peaks Monday, tx is thursday; my busiest work day.
having a good time at the festival, though.


Saturday, February 08, 2003

 
babymed. charts and calculators and stuff.

 
how am I supposed to hold my wee in for FOUR hours? my bladder isn't built for that. so I did two tests this morning, on a 3-hour batch from 3.30 am, and a 2 3/4 hour batch from 6.30. neither got a line. temp up, but I was out late last night.
if nothing has happened by Monday I'm calling the clinic and demanding a blood test. Tuesday might be too late.
and no, it's not stress delaying ovulation. I'm actually calmer than I look. ignore the bunches of hair between my fingers, it's perfectly normal.

Friday, February 07, 2003

 
at the end of a secondhand stuff buying spree, I found a copy of Daniel Petre's book on fatherhood for $1. so I bought it. Petre is a charming dot-com exec who downscaled his life to have more time with his kids. it's for DH WHEN we have a baby. when.

(no line!)

Thursday, February 06, 2003

 
no line. yawn.
at least the blues-fest is safe. if I surge Friday, TX is Monday. but I won't. I'll surge Saturday or Sunday. temps low. good sleep. must work now.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

 
nearly lost it in the dentist's chair this morning. usually I'm fine with dental stuff - nasty but necessary - but as I waited for a filling, I just wanted to bolt. he was also obviously busy and getting on with things, including my teeth.
so I told him I was a bit shell shocked from various procedures I'd had lately and might need him to take it slowly. to his credit, the needle for the local didn't hurt at all and it was fine from there. but for a minute I thought I was going to burst into tears just being in yet another chair having stuff done to me.

non-metal filling,even though I've been warned it's more likely to turn sensitive and he says the mercury will not leak. yeah, right. no baby of mine is getting exposed to fresh mercury. there's enough in my mouth already.

 
quick again b/c I'm imposing new Web surfing at work limits:

scan was fine. lining 7mm, biggest follie 12mm. have more Seratec, enough to set up a stall at the market selling the stuff. no line this morning, of course.

dr tried to tell me what a great emby they'd be putting in, all I wanted to do was communicat that if it didn't thaw well they should get another out pronto. but we're getting on OK, her and me. we both want the same thing. I didn't realise until afterwards how nice she was being about how good the emby would be.

she says no hydro - but it can come and go. she would have wanted to try a cycle with it anyway!

and I have a large blue-toned print of an embryo from a company report (it refers to the movie Alien, don't know if it's a still or not) pinned up on my office wall, next to a giant rabbit referring to Fatal Attraction . it looks like an ear. I decided to put it up because it looks cool. no one will know it's a fertility icon, like my three Vietnamese men and their angel.

if I don't ovulate by Tuesday I'm to call again. but I will. maybe not Sunday as I'd hoped, maybe Monday. but I'm going to be doing a tx by next week, no doubt about it! yay. feeling quite positive and hopeful today.

"this too shall pass"

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

 
cool hcg charts; the higher the reading, the better the chances. bedtime now. alarm set fo 6.15 am, Seratec at the ready.

 
scan in the morning. my period ran long, so I suspect not much will be happening yet. which will mean another scan. ho hum. may also need extra Seratec in case I don't get the surge until Monday morning.
never mind, getting up at 6 to be scanned at 7.30 will make me feel virtuous and deserving of a baby.
oh, nearly forget: baby dream last night. really nice one.

at work, so summary: I was travelling somewhere with all my family (some cousins, even). someone mentioned my babies and I was confused; had I already had them? there were two, Alana, the older one and Sivta (silly name, but that was her name). I found her in the back of a car in a basket.

I carried her around, sort of knowing it was a dream but really enjoying her little body (longer limbs, a cheeky face) next to me. I was pleased I couldn't remember labor but also confused as to why I hadn't know I'd already had them. I asked my Mum "just how tired have I been"?

anyway, it was nice to have a dream moment with her. sort of like when someone's died (or left you) and they appear in a dream. the essence of them is so real that I usually find it more comforting than distressing, like a free moment with them when I thought it would never be like that again.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

 
see, information: one bb post from a woman at my clinic says her Seratec (urine ovulation test) failed to pick up her ovulation. and that if it doesn't peak after 5 days testing, I should have a blood test. no one has said anything like this to me at the clinic.
so questions for scan day: hydrosalpinx and Seratec accuracy.

 
The bulletin boards are great for support and info and something to do while I wait, but I think I'm going to be more careful about what I read. there are so many stories of miscarriages and babies born early that don't make it that I am starting to fear something going wrong after I get pregnant.
stick to the positive stuff for now.

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