Monday, July 25, 2011

blah blah blah.

another hour of acupuncture, and I trot in for tx to be told the emby is sitting there like a 3-celled jellyfish, not dividing.

it was only thawed the night before, but still...a 15-17% chance, which is about one in six.

and yet I have all this support and rest and injections and not-exercising and so on and so forth mapped out.

so there's nothing I can do but follow the program. seems such a shame to have saved the all-out run for the bitter end, doesn't it?

dr said as I left "I don't feel that we're just going through the motions". But I sort of do.

so I had better make that followup appointment I suppose. now two weeks to test day.

Friday, July 22, 2011

yes so clearly that one didn't work.

it did so in an extra annoying way; a slight bleed on day 10 of 2ww, then a reading of 6 (!) on the test, necessitating another test. all quite horribly upsetting, etc, etc.

so we are down to 2, and those of a lower grade. various personal and at-husband meltdowns mean we are both trying to set aside the next two weeks for me to Rest and Be Treated.

I'm now doing acupuncture; not wussy gp acupuncture with lasers, but full needles, lie-in-a-dark-room-"relaxing"-for-a-frigging-HOUR acupuncture. it's putting a massive hole in my working life, as if I had a working life with all this.

I'll be going away 3 days of next week after transfer. supposed to then rest the following weekend. of course inlaws chose that week to decide to come to town. much angst there; husband says he'll deal with it but even having him off seeing them puts extra pressure on me. and mil sent me an email expressing "hope" she'd be seeing me. well, no. this is the pointy end of this slow nightmare and I'm not doing a jot more than I have/want to. actually that's how I normally feel, just now I have a fab excuse. except of course I don't want to tell them what's going on - very few people know - so they'll just think I'm (more of a) bitch.

also of course, the council is going to make a decision on a huge development next door asap, probably 2 days after the 2ww, so a lot of stress there.

oh, and dr, completely randomly, has prescribed me some anti-coagulants for this cycle, for, she says, no medically proven reason. they require self-injection, which I have managed until now to avoid. I don't have a lot of fat to jab a needle into day after day.

therefore, one is feeling quite sorry for oneself. one should be visualising little red satin snuggly womb-cots for the emby. one should be imagining cuddling a newborn. one finds both of those images too painful, freighted as they are with the prospect of them simply not happening.

transfer Monday. Test August 8. # 7 of 8.

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