Tuesday, April 29, 2003

this huge vitamin recall is annoying. luckily my pregnancy multivitamin is on the safe list, but all the other things I take - iron and magnesium and so on - are suspect. turns out what I thought was a quaint little brand is made by megafirm Mayne Health, using stuff from the dodgy supplier.

and speaking of which: I haven't cancelled dr #2 yet. it's not that I want to stay with her. more that I am still in doubt about cancelling the smaller hospital where I did the IVF. I have an appt with the midwife liaison officer at the Mayne Health-run big hospital next week. they don't even do a familiarisation session like the smaller ones do. I am very worried about being "processed", and feel like I'm only going there in case of Emergency, and that's not a good enough reason. gotta decide very soon, though, with deposits due and so on.

Monday, April 28, 2003

damn. blogger was down last night and now I'm at work.
have just told the reception at the hospital that I'm glad the woman who does the bookings doesn't run the actual classes. offhand doesn't begin to cover it. you're only allowed to ring her on two days, and it seems when you do, you're still a nuisance. am ringing back soon to talk to the liasion officer about the introductory session. might whinge to her too.

parents report: father nearly jumped across the table when I mumbled "guess what? I'm pregnant". well, there was no easy way into it.

have to WORK now. more when I can. feeling v. relaxed after holiday. 13 weeks and still only put on a few pounds. eating like giant pig.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

980 to 1. I'll take that. would have liked 1000:1, but 980 to one will do just fine.
quickly b/c we're heading off in five minutes on the holiday; its anatomy is "magnificent" according to Andrea the sonographer and Michael the dr.
we could see every little finger and toe, all its spine and brain lobes and ribs, and it "wriggled like a worm."
5.97 cm, which is 12w 3d at actual gestation of 12w 1 day.
it wouldn't turn for the NT scan for ages; she really poked and jiggled at it too. so she called the dr in and had a chat while we waited; in the meantime it turned nicely and they got a reading of 1.2mm on its nuchal translucency.

even husband got a little tear in his eye. it's so amazingly fully formed. we have a face-on pic which looks like an extra from Close Encounters, and a video I haven't watched yet. but that number is the thing, really. I had to call back 45 minutes later to get it. funny how they always say "it's a good result". I always then say "give me the number!".

980 to one. is good.

Saturday, April 19, 2003

the bad mothers' club.

...read the q and a. I laughed till I cried.

the infertility treatment authority has finally put up its 2002 report on Victorian IVF clinic's success rates. about time too.
warning: big slow pdf file if you're on a dial-up.

strange dream the other night; someone, possibly husband, was having a rerun of a suicide attempt (dreams do weird things, it doesn't always have to be taken literally), and had not gone ahead. I was so relieved, and I lay beside him, breathing deeply and heavily through my mouth. when I woke up, I think I had actually been breathing that way - mouth open, sucking in air and pushing it out as if my life depended on it.

in other developments, am I getting fat? or is there a bump? 12 weeks on Monday, scan on Tuesday. will be away from then to Saturday, so might not post for a while.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

cool idea: suspenseful's ultrasound operator wrote the sex in an sealed envelope so she can look if she wants to. I might do that, just so I have the choice.

didn't get that job I applied for. someone else is leaving my section too, and they can't have two of us leave at once; or at least that was the story, perfectly capable, etc.
while the person in question was rabbiting on about finding other interesting things for me to do soon, etc, I was inwardly thinking "but I'm PREGNANT and this is my last chance to make a big change!"

email to ivf dr:

Dear K,

thought it was about time I let you know how we went.

in the end we're sticking with L. S's lovely and obviously very capable, but I kind of like L's direct South African manner; there were a couple of questions about possible complications that he met head-on, whereas S has more of a soothing "deal with that when we get there" approach. and as you probably realise, A and I do like to know what we're dealing with.

Lwas also keen on Frances Perry over Freemasons; I just hope we don't need those operating theatres etc on the day. Or L, for that matter.

I'm following your directive to "eat constantly". you did mean, like ALL the time, didn't you? anyway, something has saved me from anything worse than moderate nausea, for which I'm grateful. apart from that and general tiredness, it's still hard to believe there's anything in there.

we have the NT scan on Tuesday; will be very glad when that's over. the 8-week, as you probably know, went fine. I'll drop you another line when there's something exciting to tell, like movement; and of course we hope the three of us will be seeing you in November.

cheers, and thanks again!


Wednesday, April 16, 2003

bummer. rang the u/s clinic to check they had my bloods and my appt time. it seems they fax their reading to the hospital, then it faxes back the odds like an hour later!
we're going to have to get that over the phone, because we're going on holiday the minute the test is over.
oh, I'll just assume it's all good.

this is the donkey in question. I'm stealing the bandwidth for demonstration purposes only.

like this

blogspot is f*ing up.
my archives seem to point to a site in spanish with a picture of a donkey. how confusing.

yesterday, off work with a headache, I went to David Jones looking for big black trousers.
couldn't come at buying ones that don't fit yet; don't really believe I'm going to puff up like a blowfish, I suppose.
so I ended up with a !$125! pair of woollen legging-trouser things, size 12, that hang loosely, but fit, and will be v.comfortable for flying to Sydney in three weeks to tell the in-laws.
on that trip we have a dinner and chamber music date (they're those sort of in-laws). I hope something glittery still fits me!

anyway, the trousers are good quality, natural materials, black and I'll wear them to death. they'll probably fit me after the birth for good if I don't get my exercise act together.

I also had a massage to try to fix the head. he tried to work on my lower back, so I had to say I was pregnant. not that he's going to TELL anyone or anything, but it was still weird.

Monday, April 14, 2003

quick work blog; finally got onto him a couple of hours later. he couldn't remember why he'd called but said if it had been bad, he would have remembered. probably to tell me the progesterone levels, he said.
so I relaxed (after 1/2 an hour weeping on the bed, convinced it was all going wrong).

when I called his office today, receptionist B told me the message was that I'd ovulated! ha! after I spoke in office-code to indicate that was not likely and I was pregnant, she put me onto the midwife, who told me I had chickenpox immunity, that my serum progesterone was good at 78, and there was some slight thrush, but not to worry unless it bothered me and if it did, to use Canestan.

normal progesterone levels:

1st trimester: 11.2-90.0 ng/mL

2nd trimester: 25.6-89.4 ng/mL

3rd trimester: 48.4-422.5 ng/mL

all that aside, I must investigate why I was told I'd ovulated. they got me mixed up with someone else. I wonder if the other person with my name, who was on the books at the IVF clinic, is a patient there? but she's 47 or so!

oh, and I meant to note the name of the dr who did my 8-week ultrasound. Andrew Ngu (sp?). he also did the checkup on my friend, who does not seem to have ovarian cancer, which is good.

Saturday, April 12, 2003

great. just brilliant.
I got home at 9.45 pm last night after a big day of driving around the countryside tcb and seeing relatives, and there's a message on the machine, and I quote exactly: "Message for (bb). L.S. Call my practice on Monday morning and J. will give you the message."

L.S. is my male ob/gyn. he will have got the results of my blood tests by yesterday. this can not be good. they tested for: antibodies, syphilis, bart's triple (for Down's) and progesterone levels. there was also a urine test, I think for protein which involves the risk of pre-eclampsia. I woke husband to tell him and said I was frightened - I was - he said I should call L.S. then, but I didn't want to be such a hysterical woman. instead I slept even worse than usual, half-tallying the risks, my dates and what it could be in my head all night. it's now 8.20. I'm going to ring his practice at 8.30, 9 and 9.30, then if I can't get through I'm going to page him. if he doesn't respond (and it is school holidays and he takes every third weekend off work), I'm ringing the ultrasound place, which was also supposed to get a copy of the results. I cannot go through the weekend worrying about this. my temp was only 36.7 (98) this morning, which is as low as I'd like it to go. any lower and it's pre-ovulatory. but I still felt a little queasy this am, my abdomen still hurts if I twist it too fast. this is just intolerable. aargh!

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

funny moment on the tram; right down the other end, a small baby whimpered. nothing in particular, just a small noise, not loud.

and it touched me. I didn't just hear it, it affected me. hard to describe, but it was there.

the blood test involved five vials of blood. erk. and a urine test. another strange moment; looking at the vials on the desk thinking "my baby's future is in there". this Down's test is a biggie.

a certain princess is feeling better than she was a few days ago.

but I have to say this: infertility sucks. the women who are affected by it (theirs or their partner's) have to go through something no good woman should have to. and the ones who are online always seem to be the smart, sensitive ones who deserve kids.

will we be better mothers because of it? I don't know. I do know we get to really THINK about what we're doing, question it, weigh it up. and much as it's finally dawning on me what a big deal motherhood will be, I know I've chosen this.

one reason it hurts when others get pregnant is that they seem to take it for granted. a baby? sure, no problem.
even the average pregnancy book assumes you got pregnant the good old fashioned way, and even not having that is a small loss.

this post is rambling. anyway, send the princess baby vibes.

said to husband this morning: "soon I won't be able to ride my bike, I won't be able to do anything". and he replied "yes you will, you'll be able to be a little blob".

naturally I beat him to a bloody pulp and left him moaning for mercy on the bedroom floor.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

UK acebabes. newletters and such. someone from here hangs around the bulletin boards; I can't work out if she's helpful or spamming us.

still waiting for this lot to put up last year's ivf figures for Australia. they've been out two weeks now. so much for the immediacy of the Web, public access to info, etc.

nap record: couldn't get past 11.30 am without going upstairs to lie down. will probably do it again about 2. can't wait for 12 weeks when I can tell the nurse and nap in the sickroom, and for the time I finally tell everyone and look pregnant and can use the nice couch in the underused nursing mothers' room.

a co-worker here just announced his wife is due October 21. I said that's wonderful, etc. heh heh heh. little do they know. he's wondering if he gets one or two weeks off work, and I'm just going to be so GONE from here by then, for at least 8 months.

Monday, April 07, 2003

reading Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions and it's scaring the hell out of me.
now have a long list of things to quiz dr/hospital about; like do they set time limits on labor, and why?
trying to get through to husband how important he will be, as I won't be able to speak for myself. wrote in my notebook: I have to make the hospital room a place where I go to give birth, not to be processed. the midwives and dr are my backup. I have to do this. it will probably mean bringing in my own mats, beanbags, music etc. but the more I read, the more I realise that preparation is EVERYTHING.

gotta run, food in oven.

today's baby sighting: two mothers with lovely chubby 6-12 mth old girls in the pool changing room, handling them expertly, changing them and chatting. I watched secretly to see how it's done, this laying on of hands on a child.

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

my april fool's trick didn't work. it would have, but I lost my nerve.
I had my mobile on the table on, and snuck off and rang my own number. but I stupidly put the home phone down in the kitchen, where husband was. then I tried to fake a conversation on my mobile in the other room, but thought "oh, he can probably hear me on the normal phone". he couldn't.

it would have been so much fun telling him that was the dr asking me to come in for another scan b/c they'd checked and it looked like twins. ideas are all very well, but I sometimes lack execution


from yesterday when blogger was down:

you'd think THREE weeks early would be fine to get an ultrasound? oh no.
clinic I usually go to was booked out. totally. this is for Easter Tuesday, and they only have one dr working. and we must do it that week, and we want to go ON HOLIDAY that day.

so I rang the dr's office. they said there was one in Malvern, and one in Carlton with a hampton branch.
Malvern was booked out except for 12.30 pm and 5pm.
finally, hampton can take us at 9am. HOORAY! husband will be grumpy b/c it's early, but I want to do it early so we can get on the road happy knowing everything's OK. have to change the bloods form order so the results get sent to the, but that's OK.

la la la.

now there's a job. medical appt organiser. and insurance claimer. it takes up so much time just fuffing about booking things.

a new mother:
I have one goal in life right now and one goal only...to give birth. To get this little human out of me and into the big ol' world. I want to see the feet that scuttle and kick at my sides. To cradle the head that presses down on my cervix. To pat and wipe the butt that often juts up into my ribs. To hear the sound of his/her voice. To look into eyes made from my DNA mixed with D.'s. To see what nature has woven together from our strung together life.

gotta stop reading that post, or I'll cry right here at my workstation.

via Dawn.

linky love

something to add to my piece about this whole thing; that the most hopeful time (the 2ww) is the worst.

temp was down to 36.6 this morning. admittedly it was early and I'd had a sip of water 1/2 hour before, but I don't like it. dr #2 tomorrow, but no bloods till next week.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

blog is not appearing. I hope it works soon. not much I can do.

this is not for me. it's a friend having a health scare. I'm sure she'll be fine.

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