Wednesday, June 25, 2008

and while the media is full of reports and discussion of Jane McGrath dying of bc at 42 - it came back after she'd been in remission EIGHT years - I was pleased to seethis article about cloning T4 cells and reintroducing them. it seems logical, and more, it supports the idea that a good immune system can only help. and help me justify my relaxed lifestyle and relentless exercise.

but not the red wine and cheesy pasta I ate and drank last night...ouch my head.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

still here, yeah. working away at uni, not much writing; I currently have A. at home only one day a week (he's in two different kindies, both great in their way, at two days each), although public holidays, school holidays and so on and so forth tend to make it really three days most weeks on average.

getting plenty of exercise, surfing every couple of weeks. and sometimes people will comment on what a great life I seem to have and I think, well, I kind of have to get that exercise. and I think, well, my husband isn't willing to put the time into taking up his share of the childcare and general housework and drudgery - he does a few things, like empty the dishwasher, but in general the responsibility for organising everything falls on me - and if that means I have to spend a bit of extra money on childcare to get a life, so be it. the money's there - I hate to think what this would all have been like if we were scratching to pay the mortgage, if I'd had to work fulltime and particularly if husband's attitude had been the same as it is. kind of a chicken or egg question really, as I think he thinks the good income justifies his detachment from family life. sigh.

anyway, at the end of June I'm up to three years' remission. still no real prospect of baby #2, and at 42 I know that I'm going to be a very, very old mother to the next one. undecided, also, about whether to try to do it myself or to use the new surrogacy laws when they finally change them (hurry UP). but I still want another one. illogical and all, but what does logic have to do with it? and again, the resources are there to make it easier for us - though I would need husband to make some greater effort than he did the first time around, and it's a sore point between us - and there are advantages to a big age gap. I can picture us on a cycling holiday in 7 or 8 years' time, A. on his own bike and me pulling a 4-year-old in a trailer. we are in fact going to do a holiday -with husband of course - later this year, before A. gets too big for his trailer.

have chosen a school for A - the closest government school, having been put off by the busy road between us and the other possible school, where many of his friends are going.

he's talking in very complex sentences, and uses sophisticated words like "soil" instead of "dirt" when he looks at pictures of gardens in books.

he knows I was sick; he has even seen the scars; he takes it in stride as I have been careful to be quite offhand about it. I think he needs to know, and if it ever comes to explaining a relapse, I think it will help. but we're not going there.

did I post about the time he cut his forehead open? anyway, the scar is healing up. I still don't like to see it. it reminds me of how fragile he is, and how easily an injury to him could destroy me. that sounds selfish; I don' t mean it like that. I tell him "I love you the whole world" and I mean it literally; I know I'd die for him if I had to.

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