Tuesday, June 10, 2008

 
still here, yeah. working away at uni, not much writing; I currently have A. at home only one day a week (he's in two different kindies, both great in their way, at two days each), although public holidays, school holidays and so on and so forth tend to make it really three days most weeks on average.

getting plenty of exercise, surfing every couple of weeks. and sometimes people will comment on what a great life I seem to have and I think, well, I kind of have to get that exercise. and I think, well, my husband isn't willing to put the time into taking up his share of the childcare and general housework and drudgery - he does a few things, like empty the dishwasher, but in general the responsibility for organising everything falls on me - and if that means I have to spend a bit of extra money on childcare to get a life, so be it. the money's there - I hate to think what this would all have been like if we were scratching to pay the mortgage, if I'd had to work fulltime and particularly if husband's attitude had been the same as it is. kind of a chicken or egg question really, as I think he thinks the good income justifies his detachment from family life. sigh.

anyway, at the end of June I'm up to three years' remission. still no real prospect of baby #2, and at 42 I know that I'm going to be a very, very old mother to the next one. undecided, also, about whether to try to do it myself or to use the new surrogacy laws when they finally change them (hurry UP). but I still want another one. illogical and all, but what does logic have to do with it? and again, the resources are there to make it easier for us - though I would need husband to make some greater effort than he did the first time around, and it's a sore point between us - and there are advantages to a big age gap. I can picture us on a cycling holiday in 7 or 8 years' time, A. on his own bike and me pulling a 4-year-old in a trailer. we are in fact going to do a holiday -with husband of course - later this year, before A. gets too big for his trailer.

have chosen a school for A - the closest government school, having been put off by the busy road between us and the other possible school, where many of his friends are going.

he's talking in very complex sentences, and uses sophisticated words like "soil" instead of "dirt" when he looks at pictures of gardens in books.

he knows I was sick; he has even seen the scars; he takes it in stride as I have been careful to be quite offhand about it. I think he needs to know, and if it ever comes to explaining a relapse, I think it will help. but we're not going there.

did I post about the time he cut his forehead open? anyway, the scar is healing up. I still don't like to see it. it reminds me of how fragile he is, and how easily an injury to him could destroy me. that sounds selfish; I don' t mean it like that. I tell him "I love you the whole world" and I mean it literally; I know I'd die for him if I had to.

Comments:
Your holiday to be sounds wonderful! I hope you all have the best time.

Your husband sounds a little like mine, though mine does make a big effort when I really need him to.

I wish you all the best with your baby no.2. You certainly arent old! Havent you heard that 40 is the new 30? :) We are all alot younger than our parents and grandparents were at this age!

I wish you health and longevity, may your wounds heal and your body be filled with the light of cellular purity! My sister has had cancer, and then again. My husband has also had cancer. Its such a frightening journey. Its so hard to have a loved one threatened like that, but I cannot imagine what it must be like to experience it first hand. All the best to you. :)

Felicity. eq_starielle@yahoo.com.au
 
wow. the light of cellular purity. too much to hope for, for me, I think. I'll settle for not-dead. but thanks. :)
 
Hi Baby,
I was glad to see you posting again. Thinking about you and wishing you all the best.
 
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