Monday, August 27, 2007

tonight I am a single mum. this is not as bad as it sounds; while husband is in Sydney indulging in-laws' liking for long boring lunches, I get to do things like buy hamburgers and chips for dinner for A. and me. and of course, blog, which I have been quite remiss in the doing of lately.

A. is going well: is down for 2 days a week at big kindy next year, leaving me the option of choosing 1 or 2 days at his existing kindy - probably only 1, as even though as he gets older I seem to have less and less time for my writing (no morning naps, etc), I feel that two 'mummy days' a week is about right. on the weekends, I will try to get his Dad to do as much as is reasonable; his new job means he'll do stuff-all during the week, so it seems both fair and even a good idea for their relationship to do things like book them in for kid swim classes on Saturday mornings. and the taking of A. to parties for random kids whose parents I don't know is still going to be my job; I rang to rsvp for one tonight and the Dad was very pleased; naturally my son is one of his favourite friends.

so I was down with the flu for pretty much two weeks - holiday cancelled - have rescheduled for the week after next, which is OK, but not terribly in line with the idea that I'd have a break before husband started new job. not really a problem for me, but not ideal for husband to be doing dropoff at childcare in his second week. but honestly, I'll go insane if I don't get a chance of scenery, lovely spring Melbourne weather and blooming magnolia trees notwithstanding.

A is: counting up to 20, sometimes even getting all the teen numbers right; reading a few letters (for instance, of course, "A"), correcting me about just about everything; still napping most days; growing longer scruffy rockstar hair which I must get cut; kissing the back of my hand to show he loves me; still sometimes crying in the night; sometimes, too, like today, sleeping until after 8.30 am. all in all a fine little boy.

we have to schedule in some talking time soon to discuss the fate of the embies. as the date I'd thought of - next January - gets closer I find myself not quite ready for various reason. maybe midyear next year; three years post-treatment, after dh's 40th birthday and after a possible overseas trip in April or May (was hoping for New York this September, but accept that it's not happening.) that would make A 5 1/2 or even six before he got a sibling; it's a huge gap. but I can see the advantages. and though every month is a month older for me, (42 next year) if I use the time to get fitter and healthier and build the right kind of life, it's not really a loss. and of course the embies are spring chickens; 36 seemed old to me then, but now is so long ago. of course the ITA extended our storage deadline - what else would they do - and now the new Premier seems ready to drop the government's past inability to act on these issues - he's talking abortion reform, so can better surrogacy laws and even embryo adoption (which does appeal, I have to say) be far away?

more and more I am assuming that I won't die. it's not a conscious thing - just a way of thinking about my life. it has made me a bit slacker with my writing and a bit more easily distracted, but having that little voice of doom move further and further away is worth the loss. I mean, I will die. but not until A and any further babies are over 25 years old. at least. that's enough.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

oh yeah; did I mention - my right hand is swelling up. have spent hours with therapists. I just could not cope with the disfigurement and disabling fx of lymphodema. whinge whinge

what a weird html view.

anyway, whatever. only logged on to say: I'm sick. kid has been sick (two nights of 40 degree temperatures) and now I'm sick. and so, the three-night trip away, sans child, sans husband, in sunny queensland, is looking like not happening.

why now, God? why not, God answers. I don't exist anyway. work it out for yourself. and so on.

there is a bad strain of flu around. it is probably what I have. I have some flu medication, but it probably came too late. at least A. is better; five kids have died of flu in Australia over the past couple of months. hence much checking on him by me when his temperature was up.

headache. chills. no appetite. inability to move. blogging in bed. you get the picture.

only the Parking Fairy has not deserted me; on Thursday with sick kid got spot right outside favourite bakery, so didn't have to get him out of the car; and this morning after driving 10ks to the pharmacy with the right drugs, also got spot out the front. I love the Parking Fairy.


Thursday, August 02, 2007

this is how nice my GP is: 6 pm last night, I'm cooking. my mobile rings. private number. what the hell, I think, I'll answer it. it's my GP, just making sure I understood that the scan results last week were fine. (I didn't blog it, but at my monthly shots we decided the small inflammation in my lymph glands was worth an ultrasound - there went an afternoon, not to mention the stress).

I got it done at my regular clinic, and they said it was all fine, so I didn't make a gp appointment to get my results. but she rang anyway. I seriously believe that with her pushing to get my appointments in 2003, that woman helped save my life. Mwaah!! (kissing sound, not evil laugh...)

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