Tuesday, February 22, 2011

also: there are more kids in the IVF clinic these days, as people come back for 2nd and 3rd goes. I wonder how necessary it really is, especially when the husband is sitting there too playing happy families? I mean, I have a kid so it doesn't gut me completely. but why not send dh off to the park with the cute little 2-year-old and spare the childless infertile women waiting to see their specialist the sight?

and: if you must bring your baby into clinic, turn off their saccharine cutesy nursery-song-amusement-stroller-toy. one can avert one's eyes, but not one's ears.

quick blog. never seem to have time - would that be anything to do with the continuous dr appointments. the start of the uni year in which I am both teaching and studying, the painters who are besieging my house? oh no, how could it be?

so the cyst seems to be a harmless thingy just sitting there, as I got my period - did I blog this? - and we went into a new cycle. the scan showed it still there. I can't see this being anything but ovulation - the bleed was bang on 27 days, which is how it used to be back when I was a normal human being.

anyway took all the pills and yesterday went in for tx, complete with new formalities of pre-op interview, heart and blood pressure tests and a medical bracelet. like it's any more likely to cause hospitalisation than the average gp Pap smear. ridiculous.

the doctor gave me the whole "we need to talk" thing. turned out the emby was just sitting there on 3 cells, refusing to move. not expired, but not very interested in life either. she gave it a 10% chance and offered to discard it and thaw another - we wouldn't do two on purpose, though all this did prompt a discussion with dh about what to do if one splits in the petri dish.

so of course I was not interested in discarding it. going for every percentage point we can, a bit like with the cancer. and the minute the embryologist looked at it again it was "trying to divide". so I have a not very excited but possibly viable emby on board, #4 of my allocated 8 chances and here we go again with the 2ww.

has dawned on me that not all of the remaining 4 can be counted on to survive thaw. so got to get the mental thing under control.

a friend who's having personal family problems hung up on me today, well, as good as, when I was trying to talk through when we'd catch up. it sent me into tears. so I'm not as cool as I thought I was. or it's the hormones. or both.

hey ho.

Monday, February 07, 2011

I should be rushing to make up for all the time I lost going in for a scan today. but I'd rather whinge on here.

I have a cyst. big deal, huh? well actually... I took two weeks off so I could have a holiday. reduce the stress from all this, like.

then a blood test to see if I could start. then another blood test. then a scan. and now a THREE WEEK wait to see if the cyst "sorts itself out". until then I can do nothing.

so much for a break. with five embies left to go, my target of transferring them all or bust with a view of being pregnant in time to NOT be 46 and having a child, is quickly fading.

and we were hoping for another week away in late April. suddenly breaks seem like not such a good idea. not if two weeks can turn into six - or more, if it doesn't go away by itself there will have to be drugs etc and who knows if we can get through even one cycle by then, let alone two.

damn damn damn. I want to cry but I don't have time.

now I'm going to sing. badly.

"Little cyster, won't you please, please please...F OFF!

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