Tuesday, February 21, 2006

there's nothing like your oncologist giving you a (temporary) all-clear to brighten up your day, I must say. bloods fine, various glands etc felt and dismissed as NAD (no abnormality detected).

not so great was the news that even if my cancer is HER2 positive - and the original results were ambiguous - I'd have needed to start Herceptin straight after chemo to get the benefit of it (up to 50 per cent reduction in recurrences, though final life-saving figures are still coming in) - and of course it's 8-9 months since I finished. I've asked for the special ($300) test that will determine my status for sure anyway. the best result would be a negative anyway - then Herceptin would be of no use to me, because I'd have had a less aggressive form.

did I mention that on February 15, A counted to five for the first time? and that I've ordered him a new bed and a whole lot of Wiggles bedding? it will take a month to arrive. I can't wait. he's really growing up.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

spent yesterday with the parents - mine - A. played with his Pop all day while my Mum and I mucked around with family tree stuff. I don't know who enjoys it more, A or my Dad - they have such a ball together.

Sunday was our street party, where A. met a 2-year-old from down the road who's also in his childcare centre, and I met his mother, who seems like a worth-knowing person. also in attendance was annoying across-the-street-self-obsessed neighbour, who is of course pregnant with #2. she was talking about their 18-month-old's new childcare centre, which is next to an electricity substation, and how they were OK with the way the risk was being handled. this is the person who, on hearing where I'd put my son for the first time that day, expressed the opinion that the centre had been, in the past, a deathtrap. tact on legs, that one.

not getting much useful stuff done; maybe when uni starts I'll be motivated again. meanwhile, genealogy is keeping me busy. have got back to 1761 on one branch, and found that my family almost all came here about 150 years ago. which is nothing, in these PC days, to be proud of, of course. but I kind of like it. my favourite ancestor is a tossup between one "born at sea" off South Australia, and a girl who was born in New Zealand and married in Australia at 16.5 years old under the care of a guardian - who knows where her parents had got to - and was described as a "Lady" on her certificate of marriage. there must be a story there, but it's probably lost forever.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I am officially a bad mother. Only luck saved A. from getting cut today; I'd left the very sharp breadknife on the board while I took his drink to the table; he reached up for the bread and pulled the knife down onto himself. I think the back of it hit him. naturally, my reaction was to tell him NEVER to do that, in the sternest tones. when of course it was my fault. if it had been one of the chopping knives, it could have been awful.

he's talking full-on now. I'm used to it; can't believe I once couldn't communicate with him. right now he's lying on the floor playing guitar saying "I've got Dorothy's tail." which he has.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

I stop the car at the ATM: leave him there while I rush to get money out, promising I'll only be a minute. he can of course see me and I him the whole time, I'm only a couple of metres away. I get back into the car and he says "Mummy come back" and I say "Mummy always comes back".

and I know it could be a lie. but I'm going to keep saying it. sometimes I wonder if all this love and affection will be bad for him if I die; if he would cope better if he was less attached to me. but I'm going to keep giving it.

FIL update: he's had a couple of chemo cycles and is back in hospital with unspecified extreme bowel pain. we're hoping it's a chemo side effect. dh is up in Sydney for three nights to see them, so I'm flying solo.

A and I are fine. sometimes it's almost easier by myself (I have childcare two days a week, after all). am amusing myself by compiling rejections for my writing and wondering where to send things next, and by risking thousands daytrading. really. oh, and by putting in last-40-seconds bids on eBay for nice paintings, as it seems to be the only way to get something at a reasonable price. heart-thumping stuff, more so than even the daytrading.

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