Monday, August 27, 2007

tonight I am a single mum. this is not as bad as it sounds; while husband is in Sydney indulging in-laws' liking for long boring lunches, I get to do things like buy hamburgers and chips for dinner for A. and me. and of course, blog, which I have been quite remiss in the doing of lately.

A. is going well: is down for 2 days a week at big kindy next year, leaving me the option of choosing 1 or 2 days at his existing kindy - probably only 1, as even though as he gets older I seem to have less and less time for my writing (no morning naps, etc), I feel that two 'mummy days' a week is about right. on the weekends, I will try to get his Dad to do as much as is reasonable; his new job means he'll do stuff-all during the week, so it seems both fair and even a good idea for their relationship to do things like book them in for kid swim classes on Saturday mornings. and the taking of A. to parties for random kids whose parents I don't know is still going to be my job; I rang to rsvp for one tonight and the Dad was very pleased; naturally my son is one of his favourite friends.

so I was down with the flu for pretty much two weeks - holiday cancelled - have rescheduled for the week after next, which is OK, but not terribly in line with the idea that I'd have a break before husband started new job. not really a problem for me, but not ideal for husband to be doing dropoff at childcare in his second week. but honestly, I'll go insane if I don't get a chance of scenery, lovely spring Melbourne weather and blooming magnolia trees notwithstanding.

A is: counting up to 20, sometimes even getting all the teen numbers right; reading a few letters (for instance, of course, "A"), correcting me about just about everything; still napping most days; growing longer scruffy rockstar hair which I must get cut; kissing the back of my hand to show he loves me; still sometimes crying in the night; sometimes, too, like today, sleeping until after 8.30 am. all in all a fine little boy.

we have to schedule in some talking time soon to discuss the fate of the embies. as the date I'd thought of - next January - gets closer I find myself not quite ready for various reason. maybe midyear next year; three years post-treatment, after dh's 40th birthday and after a possible overseas trip in April or May (was hoping for New York this September, but accept that it's not happening.) that would make A 5 1/2 or even six before he got a sibling; it's a huge gap. but I can see the advantages. and though every month is a month older for me, (42 next year) if I use the time to get fitter and healthier and build the right kind of life, it's not really a loss. and of course the embies are spring chickens; 36 seemed old to me then, but now is so long ago. of course the ITA extended our storage deadline - what else would they do - and now the new Premier seems ready to drop the government's past inability to act on these issues - he's talking abortion reform, so can better surrogacy laws and even embryo adoption (which does appeal, I have to say) be far away?

more and more I am assuming that I won't die. it's not a conscious thing - just a way of thinking about my life. it has made me a bit slacker with my writing and a bit more easily distracted, but having that little voice of doom move further and further away is worth the loss. I mean, I will die. but not until A and any further babies are over 25 years old. at least. that's enough.

You show the optimism that an early spring and magnolias can bring (were the magnolias as beautiful before I took the time to point them out to my little man?)
But onto what I really meant to say...
I think until our generation (and some of our parents), choosing the spacing between babies wasn't as much of an option as it is today... so widely spaced pregnancies were more commonly the result of unforseen problems with conception/repeat miscarriage or problems with contraception (the surprise baby). Hence, we're all used to the 2 year gap (makes sense given the average return to fertility post breastfeeding is 14 months)and the luxury to choose further spaced babies is frowned upon, probably more than ending up with (by choice or chance) pregnancies well under 2 years apart.
Whilst there are the obvious difficulties the far-spaced siblings will have relating to each other in the fast-moving days of childhood, friends who have ended up with far-spaced kids (by choice or chance!) say there are advantages people don't often cite-less sibling rivalry, more opportunity for independent interests. And a big one for the parents: the law requires you to have one-on-one time most weekdays with the littlie, thanks to school. Not a bad option, I think many mums chasing a 2yo around with a newborn hanging off their boob would agree....!
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