Monday, September 30, 2002
read an article about ultrasounds this morning; got angry about the idea of people aborting babies for cleft palates!
how dare they! when all these other people are so desperate to have kids. a cleft palate is a minor disability, often cosmetically repairable. some more major surgery may be needed, but surely most people with them would rather be alive than not!
and then I began to see something that will bother me as time goes on; at first it was just "wanting children". but now that a year and a half has passed since we started trying, I'm aware that I could have had a child of six months old easily by now. and if it doesn't work out, as we get older I'll know that that phantom child could have been 5, 10, 15. a state of not-ness - not having children - is not an event, it's a feature of an ongoing life.
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