Saturday, March 01, 2003
up early - 6.30 - got out of bed, went to the study and wrote - by hand - a letter to my friend in PNG.
I rang her last night. I asked her if she could stay on in October - she'll be here for the first week - and be with me at the birth.
she said no.
this is the girl who asked me, with no prior agreement, to come to her bedside 24 hours after flying in from the US. I stayed there, barely drinking water, much less eating. the call came at 8; I left the hospital at 4 and I've never been so tired. there was no question. there was no question if I wanted to (being about to start IVF) or how I felt.
the letter is still being drafted. I don't want to shout at her, or emotionally blackmail her into it. but we can get her an apt, parents she knows to look after her daughter. yes, I have other friends. but she knows that with some of them, I feel they take over how I should feel/experience stuff. there is one other, but I can't be quite as open and honest with her as I can with K.
so I'm feeling very hurt. yes, there are practical issues for her. but I'm about to go through childbirth for the first time and I need her.
I rang her last night. I asked her if she could stay on in October - she'll be here for the first week - and be with me at the birth.
she said no.
this is the girl who asked me, with no prior agreement, to come to her bedside 24 hours after flying in from the US. I stayed there, barely drinking water, much less eating. the call came at 8; I left the hospital at 4 and I've never been so tired. there was no question. there was no question if I wanted to (being about to start IVF) or how I felt.
the letter is still being drafted. I don't want to shout at her, or emotionally blackmail her into it. but we can get her an apt, parents she knows to look after her daughter. yes, I have other friends. but she knows that with some of them, I feel they take over how I should feel/experience stuff. there is one other, but I can't be quite as open and honest with her as I can with K.
so I'm feeling very hurt. yes, there are practical issues for her. but I'm about to go through childbirth for the first time and I need her.
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