Thursday, August 07, 2003
and again this morning at 8.30, on my way to the physio in the same hospital as the IVF clinic: a couple, about our age, dressed for work, setting off down that corridor that at that time of the morning only leads to the clinic. they didn't notice me but all the same I felt almost guilty for having this belly. the idea of having to walk back down that corridor scares me. of course I probably will, when we're ready for #2, and hopefully by then with those frozen embies I'll be feeling positive about it rather than on a potentially heartbreaking quest. and I suppose - though I still don't quite believe it - by then I'll have a beautiful one-year-old child and it won't feel quite so much like the world is riding on the outcome.
so now I have one of those giant inflatable balls to sit on at home - a grey one, it was that or cream and we all know about cream and dirt! - and a kind of elastic girdle to wear if I need to walk or stand. I also have some upgraded, more difficult exercises and new motivation to continue them. and right now I have a completely freezing icepack over my pelvis at the rear. think I should ice it at least three times a day.
hobbled to the caf to buy my morning water (oh for the time I could cycle in on a Thursday and stop at the market for a quick latte!) and a woman I don't know at all, probably from sales or somewhere, looked at me and said "when are you due". so I said November, and she asked if it was my first, then she said something vague and approving. I guess that's the public-property thing kicking in? I don't really mind as such, it's just kind of strange.
last night I dreamed I was in jail for three months for some small crime. I was willing to do the time, but then I realised I would possibly still be there when the baby was born and I started getting anxious about all my classes, and what if I needed acupuncture to turn the baby, etc etc? dh says it was about my newfound lack of freedome and mobility. I'm not so sure it's not about my general stress and need to focus on baby stuff instead of all therest of it, all this work stuff and so on.
when the alarm went off (8.30 physio appt), the baby was kicking like mad. I have a feeling it may have turned; the kicks were up around my stomach instead of down in my lower abdomen. or maybe it was just doing arm stretches?
so now I have one of those giant inflatable balls to sit on at home - a grey one, it was that or cream and we all know about cream and dirt! - and a kind of elastic girdle to wear if I need to walk or stand. I also have some upgraded, more difficult exercises and new motivation to continue them. and right now I have a completely freezing icepack over my pelvis at the rear. think I should ice it at least three times a day.
hobbled to the caf to buy my morning water (oh for the time I could cycle in on a Thursday and stop at the market for a quick latte!) and a woman I don't know at all, probably from sales or somewhere, looked at me and said "when are you due". so I said November, and she asked if it was my first, then she said something vague and approving. I guess that's the public-property thing kicking in? I don't really mind as such, it's just kind of strange.
last night I dreamed I was in jail for three months for some small crime. I was willing to do the time, but then I realised I would possibly still be there when the baby was born and I started getting anxious about all my classes, and what if I needed acupuncture to turn the baby, etc etc? dh says it was about my newfound lack of freedome and mobility. I'm not so sure it's not about my general stress and need to focus on baby stuff instead of all therest of it, all this work stuff and so on.
when the alarm went off (8.30 physio appt), the baby was kicking like mad. I have a feeling it may have turned; the kicks were up around my stomach instead of down in my lower abdomen. or maybe it was just doing arm stretches?
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