Monday, September 15, 2003
so here I am in the new extension, trying to "work" on a freelance thing on my first Monday off on leave. the cupboard in the baby's room is partly emptied and vacuumed, but there's so much to do in this house that I don't know where to start.
brother and SIL brought a mass of plastic bags full of clothes, a soft carrier, baby capsule, etc, etc, etc yesterday. they're piled up in the big timber box we snaffled from dh's auntie's estate, which said "toy box" to me the moment I saw it.
I think I've popped again; this time kind of sideways so the belly is not just a basketball but a full sized pillow. 33 weeks today.
I have the worst thrush or cystitis or something. it hurts to wee and I think I have nappy rash. is that normal? probably.
in a dream last night I was shown a b&w printout that showed how much wider my pelvis was when I changed positions. this labour thing is unavoidable, I suppose, and while I'm educated, I don't feel ready. did my physio today and thrush or not, the perineal massage has to recommence today.
on Friday after finishing work I felt quite flat. it was so weird to pack up most of my stuff and just leave there. don't even know if I'll be back.
I got home and realised it didn't feel like "time off" to be there in the afternoon; without a job there is less structure. time is just time.
and I was looking at young women on the street knowing I can't go back to things that were once my life. but of course I'm always getting older; it's just that stopping work, having a baby, crystallises those changes for me.
not sure what to think about it all. I do know that stopping now is the right thing. I will need this much time to adjust, apart from completing all those tasks and stuff to do. then if I'm lucky I can rest and find the space inside me to embrace this new person I'll be.
brother and SIL brought a mass of plastic bags full of clothes, a soft carrier, baby capsule, etc, etc, etc yesterday. they're piled up in the big timber box we snaffled from dh's auntie's estate, which said "toy box" to me the moment I saw it.
I think I've popped again; this time kind of sideways so the belly is not just a basketball but a full sized pillow. 33 weeks today.
I have the worst thrush or cystitis or something. it hurts to wee and I think I have nappy rash. is that normal? probably.
in a dream last night I was shown a b&w printout that showed how much wider my pelvis was when I changed positions. this labour thing is unavoidable, I suppose, and while I'm educated, I don't feel ready. did my physio today and thrush or not, the perineal massage has to recommence today.
on Friday after finishing work I felt quite flat. it was so weird to pack up most of my stuff and just leave there. don't even know if I'll be back.
I got home and realised it didn't feel like "time off" to be there in the afternoon; without a job there is less structure. time is just time.
and I was looking at young women on the street knowing I can't go back to things that were once my life. but of course I'm always getting older; it's just that stopping work, having a baby, crystallises those changes for me.
not sure what to think about it all. I do know that stopping now is the right thing. I will need this much time to adjust, apart from completing all those tasks and stuff to do. then if I'm lucky I can rest and find the space inside me to embrace this new person I'll be.
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