Friday, December 05, 2003
and before I have a whinge, more on those thoughts from last night - that for most of my life I've been at some level avoiding fully experiencing things - when you let everything in, it can be overwhelming or even threatening. there have been exceptions, things I've revelled in, but often I've ended up being exhausted by them, having to draw back.
now - though I suppose drawing back is an option - I don't want to. I am so completely here, so willing to grasp every second and every feeling and take it into myself. partly because I know I will never be here again, quite like this. partly because I know I nearly wasn't this lucky. and partly just because that's what babies do to you, I guess.
(whinge: after a fabulous sleep - only 1 1/2 hours for the night feed! - at 6.10 this morning dh got up early and let the bedroom door squeak really loudly. this of course woke A. and my sleep-in was history. I felt like I could almost have been normal today, given that extra hour. dh is now SO bringing home some WD-40 or similar for the squeaking door...)
now - though I suppose drawing back is an option - I don't want to. I am so completely here, so willing to grasp every second and every feeling and take it into myself. partly because I know I will never be here again, quite like this. partly because I know I nearly wasn't this lucky. and partly just because that's what babies do to you, I guess.
(whinge: after a fabulous sleep - only 1 1/2 hours for the night feed! - at 6.10 this morning dh got up early and let the bedroom door squeak really loudly. this of course woke A. and my sleep-in was history. I felt like I could almost have been normal today, given that extra hour. dh is now SO bringing home some WD-40 or similar for the squeaking door...)
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