Monday, March 15, 2004
a quick update between loads of washing (have been reading other women's whinges about their dh's on my bulletin board and decided mine's not as bad as he could be: hence burst of houseworkness on my part)
the beach was good. not as restful as I'd hoped, as A. had his cold and I was afflicted with a bout of nap-insomnia and spent hours lying in bed not sleeping each afternoon. but anytime I wanted I could walk across the road to the beach, where there were pounding waves and rockpools to stare at. there are no cafes whatsoever in that town, so there was no going out, which suited me. we even managed to you-know-what. once.
something to fix in my memory: two hours on a cool but sunny day, with my baby boy sleeping across my lap, reading. I didn't get up for the whole two hours - I wanted him to sleep off his cold and I had my Harry Potter books and dh to bring me drinks. if I hadn't needed to get up and go to the loo, I'd probably still be there.
other bits and pieces: this morning hanging out the washing I could hear a neighbour's child screaming - either two doors down or across the road, I'm trying to make friends with both lots - and I thought "ah, isn't it nice to hear children's voices in the neighbourhood." meanwhile from the monitor came happy little yelps: I'd put him down a bit early, but he didn't seem to mind (unlike yesterday after the car trip. he was good in the car but when we got home he really lost it and I had to pull out all stops: holding him tight, dark room, rocking and patting and yes, the song.
a very driven friend (with two kids) came to visit two weeks ago. we were discussing maternity leave and she said, emphatically, that it was stupid for women to spend five years out of the workforce. but I might. see the kind of peer pressure I'm up against? almost all my friends work in the same industry as me and almost all of them have freelanced or gone back to work, some full-time before the kids are at school. but the fact is that that's a minority group. seriously considering the five weeks of fill-in work in June. it may decide me on what to do long-term.
a moment:
Sunday last week I drove down to the fabulous local bakery. at a tram stop someone tapped on the window. it was an Asian woman, running late for church. I let her get in the car. she asked what I was doing up so early, and I told her I was getting food, friends were coming over, I had a small baby at home. she has a daughter. she also lost another at seven months. why did she tell me this? I don't know. all I could say was "so many women have had such terrible things happen to them." and we have. it's a taboo, and I'm not sure why. superstition? men's sensitivity? it does get mentioned, sure. but often it seems enough to just refer to it, to say "I had a miscarriage once" when a friend has some similar trouble. maybe that's all we need: to be able to know we're not alone. picking apart the pain doesn't always help.
the beach was good. not as restful as I'd hoped, as A. had his cold and I was afflicted with a bout of nap-insomnia and spent hours lying in bed not sleeping each afternoon. but anytime I wanted I could walk across the road to the beach, where there were pounding waves and rockpools to stare at. there are no cafes whatsoever in that town, so there was no going out, which suited me. we even managed to you-know-what. once.
something to fix in my memory: two hours on a cool but sunny day, with my baby boy sleeping across my lap, reading. I didn't get up for the whole two hours - I wanted him to sleep off his cold and I had my Harry Potter books and dh to bring me drinks. if I hadn't needed to get up and go to the loo, I'd probably still be there.
other bits and pieces: this morning hanging out the washing I could hear a neighbour's child screaming - either two doors down or across the road, I'm trying to make friends with both lots - and I thought "ah, isn't it nice to hear children's voices in the neighbourhood." meanwhile from the monitor came happy little yelps: I'd put him down a bit early, but he didn't seem to mind (unlike yesterday after the car trip. he was good in the car but when we got home he really lost it and I had to pull out all stops: holding him tight, dark room, rocking and patting and yes, the song.
a very driven friend (with two kids) came to visit two weeks ago. we were discussing maternity leave and she said, emphatically, that it was stupid for women to spend five years out of the workforce. but I might. see the kind of peer pressure I'm up against? almost all my friends work in the same industry as me and almost all of them have freelanced or gone back to work, some full-time before the kids are at school. but the fact is that that's a minority group. seriously considering the five weeks of fill-in work in June. it may decide me on what to do long-term.
a moment:
Sunday last week I drove down to the fabulous local bakery. at a tram stop someone tapped on the window. it was an Asian woman, running late for church. I let her get in the car. she asked what I was doing up so early, and I told her I was getting food, friends were coming over, I had a small baby at home. she has a daughter. she also lost another at seven months. why did she tell me this? I don't know. all I could say was "so many women have had such terrible things happen to them." and we have. it's a taboo, and I'm not sure why. superstition? men's sensitivity? it does get mentioned, sure. but often it seems enough to just refer to it, to say "I had a miscarriage once" when a friend has some similar trouble. maybe that's all we need: to be able to know we're not alone. picking apart the pain doesn't always help.
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