Friday, July 02, 2004
another night/moring like that and I'll be on the plane back to Australia and A. will be an only child, I swear it.
five wakeups. or six. I dunno, does it matter? it seems that his couple of OK nights were just exhaustion and he's back in form now. yesterday was an ugly day, too, with a headache from walking to the pool in the heat and eating late (dh promised to be home at 6.30, wandered in at about 7, doesn't realise that yes it makes a difference)
so I'm back to where I started, if not worse after the flight/moving/moving again early next week to a new apt. and I realise through my tired weepies that dh has dropped the idea of getting two apartments for the night of the changeover. and that I have to start that discussion all over again, and believe me I don't have the energy for it.
then it transpires that he'd "judged" that it "wouldn't make that much difference" for me to have my own apt for a night, given I'd have to do a late feed then be back at 6 am. and that he'd not told me this because he didn't think I could have a rational discussion about it. patronising fucker. I'm exhausted, probably depressed and hysterical with tiredness, but I'm not, not stupid.
there are women in the building I'm trying to make friends with. but I'm passing up dates because I need afternoon naps or I'm just plain too tired to be chatty. there are people I could email to catch up with for coffee. but I'm not because I don't have the mental energy to schmooze.
he gets to go to the office every day where he has two Melbourne workmates and a whole team of underlings and peers. I have none of that. I'll be better later today, but right now I feel isolated, exhausted and quite unable to cope. and that he has no understanding of how I feel if he can "judge' that one sweet seven-hour stretch of sleep is not worth bothering to ask/pay for for - either that or he doesn't care. what, does he think 'she's tired anyway, what difference will it make?'
yep, that plane to Australia is looking good.
five wakeups. or six. I dunno, does it matter? it seems that his couple of OK nights were just exhaustion and he's back in form now. yesterday was an ugly day, too, with a headache from walking to the pool in the heat and eating late (dh promised to be home at 6.30, wandered in at about 7, doesn't realise that yes it makes a difference)
so I'm back to where I started, if not worse after the flight/moving/moving again early next week to a new apt. and I realise through my tired weepies that dh has dropped the idea of getting two apartments for the night of the changeover. and that I have to start that discussion all over again, and believe me I don't have the energy for it.
then it transpires that he'd "judged" that it "wouldn't make that much difference" for me to have my own apt for a night, given I'd have to do a late feed then be back at 6 am. and that he'd not told me this because he didn't think I could have a rational discussion about it. patronising fucker. I'm exhausted, probably depressed and hysterical with tiredness, but I'm not, not stupid.
there are women in the building I'm trying to make friends with. but I'm passing up dates because I need afternoon naps or I'm just plain too tired to be chatty. there are people I could email to catch up with for coffee. but I'm not because I don't have the mental energy to schmooze.
he gets to go to the office every day where he has two Melbourne workmates and a whole team of underlings and peers. I have none of that. I'll be better later today, but right now I feel isolated, exhausted and quite unable to cope. and that he has no understanding of how I feel if he can "judge' that one sweet seven-hour stretch of sleep is not worth bothering to ask/pay for for - either that or he doesn't care. what, does he think 'she's tired anyway, what difference will it make?'
yep, that plane to Australia is looking good.
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