Friday, October 15, 2004
it's a nice photo. dh and I in a cable car at the fun park with A in front of us. my Dad took it and sent it over. but it's umistakeable, right there under my silly floppy pink hat: a double chin.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
I mean, I'm glad I no longer obsess over my weight and food intake as I did in my early 20s. it was ugly and a waste of energy. but at 38, with another pregnancy (I hope) to go, I do not want to be fat. not even a bit pudgy. I think of myself as a fit, athletic, slim person. with a double chin.
Hong Kong is definitely part of the problem. exercise is difficult. two years ago I was riding a pushbike 10 ks to work and back again, plus a weekend ride. and I'd swim 2-3 times a week. the baby makes it more complicated, but in Melbourne, at least I could walk.
it's not getting easier being here. it's getting harder. this just isn't my place. dh and I are due this weekend for the big discussion of what to do next year. how can I take A away from him? how can I stay? I'm already dreading the 5 weeks between the birthday and my return at Christmas - 4 if I burn off the inlaws. but as I gradually get more sleep, I get more energy and the low-maintenance convenience of this flat matters less, its restrictions matter more.
to change the subject, we dropped the midmorning feed yesterday. it's made it harder to get him down for the morning nap. but it seems OK. he did wake up at five!!! am today for breakfast. must be time to ramp up the dinners another notch, I think. and like all true obsessions, that brings me back to the topic: I miss the market in Melbourne too, all that good, varied, safe food. I don't feel creative with my cooking here, and that's not good for A. or my diet.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
I mean, I'm glad I no longer obsess over my weight and food intake as I did in my early 20s. it was ugly and a waste of energy. but at 38, with another pregnancy (I hope) to go, I do not want to be fat. not even a bit pudgy. I think of myself as a fit, athletic, slim person. with a double chin.
Hong Kong is definitely part of the problem. exercise is difficult. two years ago I was riding a pushbike 10 ks to work and back again, plus a weekend ride. and I'd swim 2-3 times a week. the baby makes it more complicated, but in Melbourne, at least I could walk.
it's not getting easier being here. it's getting harder. this just isn't my place. dh and I are due this weekend for the big discussion of what to do next year. how can I take A away from him? how can I stay? I'm already dreading the 5 weeks between the birthday and my return at Christmas - 4 if I burn off the inlaws. but as I gradually get more sleep, I get more energy and the low-maintenance convenience of this flat matters less, its restrictions matter more.
to change the subject, we dropped the midmorning feed yesterday. it's made it harder to get him down for the morning nap. but it seems OK. he did wake up at five!!! am today for breakfast. must be time to ramp up the dinners another notch, I think. and like all true obsessions, that brings me back to the topic: I miss the market in Melbourne too, all that good, varied, safe food. I don't feel creative with my cooking here, and that's not good for A. or my diet.
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