Wednesday, November 24, 2004
feeling angry, upset, hurt, helpless.
why?
a little after 10, dh rang. said "I thought we might come in" like he's doing me a favour, offering me a gift.
turns out A has been awake since 8.30. so in his normal schedule he'd need a midmorning nap. so why hasn't he come in to see me earlier, especially as he has to go home again so we can talk to the dr, get our news today?
because dh "had to have breakfast". An hour and a half! and instead of doing the right thing and saying "don't bring him, give him a nap", I'm letting them come in because I want my baby so badly. and I'm upset that I"m in this room while other people get to stuff up his routine, and I can see the future if this goes badly - more of this, as my baby gets taken further and further from me.
it didn't help that my book features death row in detail towards the end.
why?
a little after 10, dh rang. said "I thought we might come in" like he's doing me a favour, offering me a gift.
turns out A has been awake since 8.30. so in his normal schedule he'd need a midmorning nap. so why hasn't he come in to see me earlier, especially as he has to go home again so we can talk to the dr, get our news today?
because dh "had to have breakfast". An hour and a half! and instead of doing the right thing and saying "don't bring him, give him a nap", I'm letting them come in because I want my baby so badly. and I'm upset that I"m in this room while other people get to stuff up his routine, and I can see the future if this goes badly - more of this, as my baby gets taken further and further from me.
it didn't help that my book features death row in detail towards the end.
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