Monday, November 15, 2004
what do I say? I want to write about the party, all his friends and rellies around him, the cute babies, the BBQ, the toys, the amateurish dragon cake.
but all I can think about is that I first felt this lump four months ago, when we arrived in HK. and I didn't have a local dr. and it just faded into the background, didn't hurt, was probably a feeding thing...so I let possibly the most important four months of the course of this disease slip by.
if I was sure my glands were clear, I'd have the whole breast off. really. but they're inflamed and I may have to do chemo anyway. so I may as well try to conserve some of it - the healthy flesh, the nipple. we have an appt in 90 minutes to schedule surgery. and however you look at it, surgery of this kind, taking good flesh along with cancer to be sure of "margins" is deep, extreme violence.
but I have a baby. and I have to live.
rang my ob/gyn but haven't spoken to him. there would have been a check when I first went to him, don't know about the six-week checkup. just curious.
if it's hormone-responsive cancer, I have a better chance of survival. that is, by shutting down my hormonal functions (oestrogen) for several years. in which time I guess I can't have another baby. which should I hope for?
we have an IVF dr appt on Tuesday anyway. she specialises in IVF for cancer patients to preserve fertility. at least she knows the territory.
frightened.
but all I can think about is that I first felt this lump four months ago, when we arrived in HK. and I didn't have a local dr. and it just faded into the background, didn't hurt, was probably a feeding thing...so I let possibly the most important four months of the course of this disease slip by.
if I was sure my glands were clear, I'd have the whole breast off. really. but they're inflamed and I may have to do chemo anyway. so I may as well try to conserve some of it - the healthy flesh, the nipple. we have an appt in 90 minutes to schedule surgery. and however you look at it, surgery of this kind, taking good flesh along with cancer to be sure of "margins" is deep, extreme violence.
but I have a baby. and I have to live.
rang my ob/gyn but haven't spoken to him. there would have been a check when I first went to him, don't know about the six-week checkup. just curious.
if it's hormone-responsive cancer, I have a better chance of survival. that is, by shutting down my hormonal functions (oestrogen) for several years. in which time I guess I can't have another baby. which should I hope for?
we have an IVF dr appt on Tuesday anyway. she specialises in IVF for cancer patients to preserve fertility. at least she knows the territory.
frightened.
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