Friday, January 28, 2005

not a good day. I've been pretty good so far at keeping the dark thoughts at bay; sure, it's been hard to sleep sometimes, but otherwise I've managed.

but today real fear got me. not just for leaving A., but for myself. I guess it's this probably meaningless ache in my armpits (could be menstruation, could be the cold I have, could be anything at all) that's freaking me out. I have a followup appointment with my surgeon next week. I suppose checkups will always be scary.

I have no good reason to think I'm going to die. then again, I have no good reason to think I won't.

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