Friday, March 11, 2005

baby is in care and I'm supposed to be writing. but I'm blogging.

visiting Cancer, Baby who also "forgets" she had cancer. is that like the other thing I do, where I think to myself "when everything's back to normal", like my breast will grow back and the drs will say "ok, go ahead, have a baby" and I somehow will have the Clayton's menopause where I have no oestrogen but also no symptoms?

and of course the inimitable grrl, who says: I think you just reach a point where you know, where you can see yourself living a certain life, where you look at the road ahead of you and think, I can do this.

that's kind of how I feel about getting that second baby out of the freezer one day. surrogacy is still an iffy question, but there is no doubt in my mind that as long as the cancer doesn't get me, I'll have that baby. If I have to have it at 44, so be it. I figure I'll just have to stay healthy to cope with a baby as an old mum, and that it will, like A., be worth every second of the wait. it's the thing that sustains me, knowing that will happen.

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