Friday, July 15, 2005
procrastination post: in which I have turned the PC on because I can't get going on my writing, just to check my email, but have already obsessively checked in on Grrrl's blog for news, and will probably spend the next hour surfing pointless sites under the guise of "work".
Is there a polite way to say "just don't call me" to another mother who is having difficulties? probably not. She's in my mother's group, she has just had the first of the second batch of babies, she suffers depression and anxiety (still too frightened to drive two months after baby #2 was born, for instance), and yesterday she called me for a chat, clearly fishing for a catchup invitation. she makes weird inappropriate comments about my treatment and asks questions I don't want to answer, like "does it hurt?". she did not even consider bf-ing and tells me how well her babies sleep because they're on bottles. and while I believe she is fully entitled to help and support with whatever issues she has in her life, why me? I am in treatment, I don't have time for my work and my own friends, and I really am not psychologically generous enough to give her support with the two-baby thing. and yes, she does know that I probably won't be able to have another. I'm supposed to call her when I'm next going by there on the way down to the village. the thing is, I'm not doing that walk much at the moment because I'm spending that time in hospital every afternoon instead, and I just don't want to. I'm drained enough without adding draining people to my life, surely? am I a bad person?
Is there a polite way to say "just don't call me" to another mother who is having difficulties? probably not. She's in my mother's group, she has just had the first of the second batch of babies, she suffers depression and anxiety (still too frightened to drive two months after baby #2 was born, for instance), and yesterday she called me for a chat, clearly fishing for a catchup invitation. she makes weird inappropriate comments about my treatment and asks questions I don't want to answer, like "does it hurt?". she did not even consider bf-ing and tells me how well her babies sleep because they're on bottles. and while I believe she is fully entitled to help and support with whatever issues she has in her life, why me? I am in treatment, I don't have time for my work and my own friends, and I really am not psychologically generous enough to give her support with the two-baby thing. and yes, she does know that I probably won't be able to have another. I'm supposed to call her when I'm next going by there on the way down to the village. the thing is, I'm not doing that walk much at the moment because I'm spending that time in hospital every afternoon instead, and I just don't want to. I'm drained enough without adding draining people to my life, surely? am I a bad person?
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I'm hating inconsiderate people. I have a friend who is 26 weeks pregnant and has to tell me every single farging detail of this pregnancy and I can.not.take.it. I want to say to her , "what part of infertile do you not get?"
oh god. that's much worse. can you say something? get a friend to say something? break down in tears next time she mentions it.
Cancer, Baby recently posted a great post about this stuff and my conclusion is: we need to be angry at the cancer/infertility, not at people. we also deserve an apology from the universe for this shit. so, on behalf of the universe, please accept my apology, and hopes for your future.
Cancer, Baby recently posted a great post about this stuff and my conclusion is: we need to be angry at the cancer/infertility, not at people. we also deserve an apology from the universe for this shit. so, on behalf of the universe, please accept my apology, and hopes for your future.
I'm behind on my reading, trying to get caught up, so sorry for the late reply.
I think it would be perfectly okay if you just tell your friend that you absolutely support what she is going through, and are thrilled about her baby, but that given your emotional fragility right now you would prefer it if she could talk to someone else about these things. If she can't handle that, then she's not your friend anyway.
As for her asking about your treatment, if you don't want to answer her questions, tell her you don't feel like talking about it. End of story.
As for the apology from the universe? I'm still waiting for mine. Argh.
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I think it would be perfectly okay if you just tell your friend that you absolutely support what she is going through, and are thrilled about her baby, but that given your emotional fragility right now you would prefer it if she could talk to someone else about these things. If she can't handle that, then she's not your friend anyway.
As for her asking about your treatment, if you don't want to answer her questions, tell her you don't feel like talking about it. End of story.
As for the apology from the universe? I'm still waiting for mine. Argh.
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