Tuesday, October 18, 2005

1/2 way through paris trip. baby has just awakened; first time I"ve been up before him for ages. he's sleeping quite well on a proper bed; now understands "go back to bed".
we've been over to the UK for 3 days to see old friends of mine, who are annoyingly in love. dh and I spent the first week here fighting, pretty much. try to make the rest nicer. Sunday night they had friends over for dinner; nice people, but with four kids, the youngest of whom was "a souvenir of our holiday in spain" (ie, we're so fertile, and no, I didn't start the "why four kids?" discussion), who was still being bf (which is fair enough, but it gave me an unhappy moment to see it), and who asked me, being Australian of course, how Kylie was going. as if I'd know. obviously my friend hadn't worded her up on my issues. or maybe she had and this woman was so lucky she didn't realise. but I doubt that. before they arrived I'd been warned that the baby has a temporary very raised birthmark on her face. the first three kids are literally child models; the fourth gets pointed at in the street. a cute baby anyway. and my friend had a brush with skin cancer a few years back and doesn't seem to want to touch the cancer issue at all.

and I keep thinking: can I do it? can I stop taking medication that reduces my chances of a recurrence because I want another baby? also, with a mammogram and u/s two weeks off, I keep worrying about that side of things. still, Paris should help keep my mind off it.

baby wants wiggles now, and me. better go.

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