Friday, November 04, 2005

blubbering self-pity dept: yesterday morning I had the dr checkup; all fine, ultrasound, mammogram and manual check. yippee. four months and counting. next checkup; feb.

however...I asked for my referral to a plastic surgeon. time to get fixed up, as far as possible. when I rang the surgeon's rooms, I was basically told that a) I couldn't get an apptment until February next year and b) the surgeon only does one! of the kind of surgery I'll need (trans flap, it's called, involving two surgeons; one to remove fat from another part of my body, another to turn it into a "breast") a month, and by Feb, the March and April slots may well be taken up. I turn 40 in May. I had my heart set on getting myself looking normal and getting rid of this rubber object in my bra by then. so much so that I found myself crying big hot silent tears while I talked to the surgeon's receptionist.

after that call, I called my dr's rooms and asked if there was anyone else I could see, and went to bed for the afternoon nap in tears. I hadn't realised how much it's got to me, losing a breast, my hair, my fertility. I felt ruined, frankly.

when I got up there was a message from the dr's rooms saying they'd talked to the plastic surgeon and she would see me before xmas if I'd drive across town to see her. Of course I would. so I feel much better. I know whatever they do won't be perfect, and that I still have to wait months, but at least there is a prospect of it happening.

I can't even imagine having to go through what you have and am so sorry you'll have to wait for your reconstructive surgery. I hope you can find another dr. I am so happy, though, that everything else looks good and clear!
Always thinking about you...daily infact. I never know quite what to say, but I'm here.
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