Saturday, November 19, 2005

so despite dh being in Sydney and there being no one to see us do it, we did the music school concert. most of my mothers' group boycotted it because of the bustling woman who runs the business and the way she spoke to us like kindergarten kids in class. (the regular teacher is a sweet young thing who calls the kids "friends" all the time and would never bustle us. we're way older and tougher than her). I had almost decided not to go myself, despite having bought a ticket, but A woke up in the middle of the night for a drink of milk and a read of his Wiggles book (the kid is seriously obsessed), with the result that he slept in and there was no call for a midmorning nap.

so off we went, to a chapel at the university, where maybe twenty or so families with dressed-up little kids had dragged themselves. there were three concerts scheduled for this morning, one after the other; being the littlest, A's group was on first. only four kids, including A, had turned up from that level. the mothers got up on stage with the kids (apart from one little girl who performed perfectly alone until she broke down in tears after the second number) and helped them wave their streamers, shake their rattles and play peekaboo with scarves over their heads. all seriously daggy. I found a nice woman in the audience who took photos for dh to look at later; she took it v. seriously, getting down on the floor at different angles like a newspaper photographer. then we stayed, of course, for the other kids' performances; a couple of class choruses and a couple of solos, including one 7-8 year old who just had a feel for her violin, you could tell.

talking to the mother of another bub's class kid, I admired her son's hair and said I wished A would grow some. her husband, who had a close-shaved head, said "being hairless isn't that bad really" and I laughed, wishing things weren't so complicated in life and that I could just say "yeah, I did a bit of baldness earlier this year myself: chemotherapy" without it being a social faux pas. ah well. same as when I ran into a neighbour a few days back. she said "you've cut your hair" and I said "yes, a bit of a change is good". which is the definition of a white lie, imho.

then A and I went down Lygon St to spend money on a cake for a friend's birthday tonight and have a spot of brunch together. he's not a great conversationalist, but he's OK company really. and his restaurant manners are great for a two year old if I say so myself.

said birthday dinner is going to be interesting; I'm taking A as it was short notice and I'm not really up for a late night anyway. and when I'm there, I'm sure to see my friend K, who I suppose I'm currently not speaking to. I visited her this week and when I allowed my lack of enthusiasm for the source of her new kitten (a pet shop, ie a kitten farm) to show just a tiny bit, she blew up at me, called me judgemental and generally attacked me, in front of her daughter and A. I was really shocked by the tone of it all and just left; to say anything would probably have been the end of our friendship. we've known each other 20 years and only had one previous falling out, at a time when we were too much in each other's pockets, but never nastiness like this.

(at this point of course my PC crashed and I moved to the Mac to try to rewrite the following pars).

meanwhile, my employer is offering me about a quarter of the redundancy payment I should be entitled to, because they say I've "returned" at one day a week, not four, whereas I say I'm still on maternity/sick leave for the other three days and their current offer (which isn't an offer but an estimate; no guarantee I'll get made redundant anyway) is discriminatory. fortunately in August when I went back I made sure the letter I got specified I still had a right to 30.4 hours a week, in case I needed to work more hours; now that letter might be worth $25,000 for me. always get it in writing, kids. but there has been no response from the higherups on my claim yet. I was pleased, though, to talk on the phone to a union organiser who used words like "outrageous" and "fight tooth and nail" and "comrades". he reminded me of my ex, who used to do exactly that job for exactly my employer. I'm glad there are still people with such passion for right in this country. and I'm glad one is on my side. if he gets me my full payout, he'll be getting some truly excellent wine for xmas.

so a bit of a stressful week all round. FIL's operation went OK, but no pathology results until the middle of next week. from my brief surf on bowel cancer, he's got about the same odds as me. not great. and as a couple of people have said, poor (my dh). two loved ones inside a year. not fair at all. but who said it's fair? it just is.

one reason I haven't blogged much is that long posts like this are best written just after I wake up from naptime but just before A does, and I've been using that time to write. after nearly a year I have 20-30 little stories and heaps of poems and one very pedestrian novel. a few have been published and I have sniffs of further publication. but it's slow going. I don't know if going back to uni and taking creative writing subjects will help or hinder me. it all takes up time. but it would certainly be a socially acceptable cover for my sneaky little habit.

ah well. haven't done the blog rounds lately, but I know I'm doing better than some. must never forget: every day in remission is an extra day I get to tell my son I love him.

((hugs)) Life just all around sucks at times.
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