Friday, June 23, 2006
riding in to my breast surgeon checkup yesterday, I looked up at the grey sky and wondered if I should have brought a raincoat; perhaps it would be raining by the time I was on my way home. But, I figured, by the time I was on my way home, one of two things would apply: I'd have cancer, or I wouldn't have cancer. Either would make rain irrelevant. it's all about perspective, I thought, and was pleased with myself.
as it turned out, I remain stuck in the middle. yes, the surgeon could feel the lumps in my neck and left armpit. no, they didn't worry her unduly, especially as I 've just had surgery and they could be caused by an infection-fighting response. but yes, she did think it warranted further investigation; an ultrasound, and if that looked odd, a CT scan (implying, I knew, a check for spread in the rest of my body). but no, the ultrasound didn't really show much (which is good; the original cancer could be clearly seen). still, I should come back in six weeks to get looked at (felt up!) again; not so good when I'd been on six month intervals with her and six month intervals with the oncologist. so I have to try to adjust to a lumpy, aching neck and try not to worry about dying for a while. I said to DH the other day; it's not like being a racing car driver, where you face death and then the risk is over. it's constant, housewifely living on the edge, where you have to get the shopping done while wondering if you'll be alive at Christmas.
dh has bought a new giant Mac, which I'm using because there's midwinter sun glare on the PC screen for the next hour or so. I don't think I like the keyboard; it's too broad and flat.
as it turned out, I remain stuck in the middle. yes, the surgeon could feel the lumps in my neck and left armpit. no, they didn't worry her unduly, especially as I 've just had surgery and they could be caused by an infection-fighting response. but yes, she did think it warranted further investigation; an ultrasound, and if that looked odd, a CT scan (implying, I knew, a check for spread in the rest of my body). but no, the ultrasound didn't really show much (which is good; the original cancer could be clearly seen). still, I should come back in six weeks to get looked at (felt up!) again; not so good when I'd been on six month intervals with her and six month intervals with the oncologist. so I have to try to adjust to a lumpy, aching neck and try not to worry about dying for a while. I said to DH the other day; it's not like being a racing car driver, where you face death and then the risk is over. it's constant, housewifely living on the edge, where you have to get the shopping done while wondering if you'll be alive at Christmas.
dh has bought a new giant Mac, which I'm using because there's midwinter sun glare on the PC screen for the next hour or so. I don't think I like the keyboard; it's too broad and flat.
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