Friday, July 07, 2006

ungracious bitterness dept: while trying to sort out details of a frickin' roller door this morning - not the door company's fault, but that of our stupid local council - while wasting nearly an hour of my precious Friday morning on that, I noticed two things: that one of the two Ugly Sister neighbours, whom I can't stand, has a new baby. I thought she was just really fat - well, she is really fat, but I remember seeing her a month or two back and thinking wow, she's super-fat now.

(posting interrupted by call from council employee to book inspection of said roller door installation, which sounded like she was filing her nails or painting her toenails while speaking to me)

so she has a baby and my cow of a neighbour, her mother, has a grandchild.

then, while seeing the roller door man out the front, I saw the neighbour across the road, whose wife is merely anodyne, self-obsessed and insensitive ("oh, it (her first child) was a bit of an accident really"), seeing some parent types out the door - clearly her second child has finally arrived.

I should just settle in my mind that A is it for me and that life has done this thing and I should get used to it. I should embrace the getting-back of my life (councils and roller doors excepted) that his growing up will represent. but I want a baby. and everywhere I turn, I see people I don't much like, so I suppose I subconsciously feel don't deserve them, with babies. no, it's not nice of me. but it's how I feel.

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