Wednesday, August 02, 2006

this morning A was reading the paper and he said "Spiderman, Mummy, come and look." so I did, expecting some big movie ad or product feature; all there was was a tiny, tiny logo on the shirt of a kid in a photo of about ten kids. he had zeroed in on it. I've never mentioned Spiderman or given him Spiderman stuff - it's way too old and brand-y. but he's picked it up at childcare. I guess we'll buy him a Spiderman thing - T-shirt or PJs - at the market tomorrow.

tonight DH was out so I took A. into the city to go to a bookshop and we stayed to eat - I felt so nervous in the rush hour crowds, clutching his tiny hand with traffic everywhere. they're so small, so easy to lose.

plus I was a bit fragile myself; the reconstruction wound has opened up AGAIN after the "inflation" and I'm on infection watch. I basically can't use my right arm again. I'll need to wait months before we can do another inflation, and my original (not the plastic surgeon) surgeon suggested yesterday that it might not work at all. I just can't have that. I don't want to cut up the rest of my body and do skin grafts - let alone waste all the effort so far - but I don't want to go back to the removable rubber tit either. anyway, it's oozing a little (I know, tmi) and I'm being supercareful. I've put myself on a diet because not exercising is making me fat and that's even more depressing.

oh, and the surgeon agreed that yes, the glands in my left armpit are still up. but there's nothing "pathological" about it. not yet. Oncologist in September, mammogram/ultrasound in October, surgeon again in January - it just goes on and on.

A. is asleep and I'm on the web and mashing up stories for my zine. single parenthood isn't so bad, if you can afford to buy dinner, and if it's only for one night so you can skip the bath (like I said, my right arm doesn't work and it's all too hard.) early night, here I come.

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