Thursday, December 28, 2006
so I'm going to lose this breast all over again. I'd like to say it's a relief, given that its tentative status has kept me partly crippled since April. but it's not. it's a bitch, it's unthinkable, and I HATE that rubber thing. It's the start of summer, and I will be getting around with first a new wound and soft padding, and then the rubber thing all over again. it's more than two years since the mastectomy and the right side of my chest is a worse mess than ever.
as you might guess, I saw surgeon's locum today; a frighteningly young man, who advised me that what I can see through the 1.5cm hole is not muscle but the tissue expander, and that it could pop out all by itself quite easily. which would not be good. so followed a flurry of trying to get into a surgical list somewhere, anywhere, and I now have a date with the knife on Tuesday afternoon next week. happy new bloody year.
after that I will have to decide to a) do without a breast for years, b) use stomach tissue and risk a hernia if I get pg again or c) rip muscle out of my back, potentially compromising my swimming and bike riding yet again. what would you do? the correct answer is d): if you find a lump in your breast, get it checked before it reaches the mastectomy stage. dh was out at his parents' with A today, supposedly so I could work but in the event so I could go to the dr. I rang him at five in tears; at ten to six he still hadn't left there. what part of "your wife needs help and support" does that man not get? anyway I am going to trash the rest of his holiday by getting him to mind A whenever possible over the next few days so I can at least make up for today's lost work, let alone next week's.
fuck. fuck FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!
as you might guess, I saw surgeon's locum today; a frighteningly young man, who advised me that what I can see through the 1.5cm hole is not muscle but the tissue expander, and that it could pop out all by itself quite easily. which would not be good. so followed a flurry of trying to get into a surgical list somewhere, anywhere, and I now have a date with the knife on Tuesday afternoon next week. happy new bloody year.
after that I will have to decide to a) do without a breast for years, b) use stomach tissue and risk a hernia if I get pg again or c) rip muscle out of my back, potentially compromising my swimming and bike riding yet again. what would you do? the correct answer is d): if you find a lump in your breast, get it checked before it reaches the mastectomy stage. dh was out at his parents' with A today, supposedly so I could work but in the event so I could go to the dr. I rang him at five in tears; at ten to six he still hadn't left there. what part of "your wife needs help and support" does that man not get? anyway I am going to trash the rest of his holiday by getting him to mind A whenever possible over the next few days so I can at least make up for today's lost work, let alone next week's.
fuck. fuck FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!
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Delurking to say I'm sorry, and I wish I could give dh a good shake for you.
Like the rest of us, he probably doesn't know how to give comfort in all of this.
Good riddance to crappy 2006!
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Like the rest of us, he probably doesn't know how to give comfort in all of this.
Good riddance to crappy 2006!
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: 3:25 AM
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