Monday, July 09, 2007

got around to perusing the LRC's report on surrogacy this morning. it actually, very briefly, quotes me as a person considering surrogacy.

but of course it means nothing without government action. and I'm increasingly thinking this is not the way we will go. if the weekend's activities were anything to go by, it will not go anywhere at all. frankly, I've had it with his oversensitive little sulks. apparently I said the wrong thing about his driving as we were heading up the country, with the result that despite an open fire, red wine and a couple of hints on my part, no moves were made. the cold shoulder was presented. and then, as I was about to try to go to sleep, he had the gall to come the "I love you" line. which of course sent me into tears on the couch. which he allowed to happen without getting up himself to try to talk. and without addressing the issue the next day. like it's normal for once a month or so (and I don't have a hormonal cycle, remember), one's wife to be a sobbing wreck.

more of the same last night. so now I am very tired and thinking it might be good if he took the job which involves long hours and lots of travel. a paid babysitter would be more reliable than him re: my need to get out once in a while. and I don't want him around the house much. when he comes home at 7.30, it's like I've just put one kid to bed and then need to start cooking for/taking care of the next one. I'd rather have an hour of peace to write, work, talk on the phone.

I don't know what it is. I have tried making the first move - have the last 3-4 times, which is our sum total for the year - it was so his turn. I cooked. I poured the wine. I was ignored because of his supposed hurt feelings (which he chose not to share with me verbally). so his feelings are paramount, while his marriage falls apart. idiot.

Could there be an underlying problem (physiological or psychological) that he's afraid/ashamed to talk to you about? If something like ED is the problem then maybe pushing you away is his way of avoiding intimacy without admitting that something is wrong.
ed? who's ed? something disorder? not eating, he eats like a horse. Ed the talking horse?

as that fool pauline hanson said once, please explain?

oh, erectile DYSFUNCTION? hell no. he masturbates regularly. I should know; I do his laundry.

and when we do have sex, it works just fine. he just can't be bothered.

maybe he has a problem with my body the way it is. but hell, I don't care. I think it's his job, as my husband, to be helping me feel better, not treating me as if my 90% quite good body (I am fit and healthy and work out like a demon) is the ugliest and least desirable thing on earth.
Your post has been playing on my mind for ages... and one day on a long pram walk my thoughts gelled. Probably no revelation to you, but anyway... I realized you and he and been through A LOT of stressful events since you started this blog. Fertlity issues, IVF, house renovations, a difficult birth, not the easiest baby, your cancer and treatment, all the reconstruction stuffup, his father's cancer, employment hassles, moving countries several times plus whatever else hasn't made it to your blog... Any one of those can be hard for people to deal with... and all together...!!! There may be a lot of unresolved issues simmering, and maybe DH just doesn't know where to start. It's a lot of weight on both your shoulders. A lot of men won't agree to it, but have you considered couples counselling? You two have been through so many hugely emotional events, maybe a neutral third party can help you move past them?

Just my two cents' worth...
ah, you make it all sound so awful. and there were truly awful moments, more of which got into the blog than the good ones, which is kind of what this blog is for, for me. but it's good of you to give that perspective; can't believe anyone reads this guff, let alone thinks about it when they could be enjoying their long walks.
he'd probably do counselling. me, I'm going for a bit of denial at the moment - looking for the things I enjoy in life and getting on with them. and I know I should be Working At The Relationship. have enough on my plate. (translation: I'm a bitch and I'm feeling hurt enough to want him to make the first move...)
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