Sunday, October 21, 2007

saw the breast surgeon Wednesday. she has declined to offer a recommendation on the 2nd baby question; wants to speak to my oncologist first. as do I.

she said there are two ways of looking at it: the worst risk is over, so go ahead. or, that I've been very lucky and shouldn't push my luck. not in so many words, but that was the effect.

and she asked me: how much do you want another child? just that question. nothing more.

and that's what really got to me. my life is good now, apart from the sex problem. lots of exercise, a lovely boy about to turn 4, etc etc. do I really want to risk it all? neither option appeals. I don't want to give that baby up. I don't want to give my life up.

hideous decisions like that really suck. I've been reading you for years but never commented.

My last pregnancy was true desperation but there was no health risk to me, I'm just awfully good at miscarriage and stillbirth. I have no idea how I would have handled it if it meant I would have left my already existing child behind.

I don't know why I am even commenting but I can feel your pain .
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