Monday, October 24, 2011
midnight notes from the bedside notebook:
scratching at my flesh, thinking: it's not enough. I'd need to cut a leg off for it to be enough.
and those cliched internal conversations happening for real: "you should have done more" (to myself), "you shut up"...and so on.
things to talk to psychologist about (have to get a referral next week):
running my life by avoiding regret - but it still comes because you can't anticipate everything, and priorities and imperatives seem to change.
and not having a very good relationship with the world. a lot of anger and resentment and constantly being reminded of what isn't.
Unkind thoughts about people I see. particularly people with babies.
scratching at my flesh, thinking: it's not enough. I'd need to cut a leg off for it to be enough.
and those cliched internal conversations happening for real: "you should have done more" (to myself), "you shut up"...and so on.
things to talk to psychologist about (have to get a referral next week):
running my life by avoiding regret - but it still comes because you can't anticipate everything, and priorities and imperatives seem to change.
and not having a very good relationship with the world. a lot of anger and resentment and constantly being reminded of what isn't.
Unkind thoughts about people I see. particularly people with babies.
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