Friday, December 23, 2011
temperature not doing anything it didn't do on the non-tx cycle. not even with the progesterone. I know what this means. I'm still trying not to over-exercise, which creates its own anxieties - it's Christmas after all, I'd like to eat and not stack on 3 kg doing it.
as soon as it dawned that the temps were no good, all the regrets and angers that the hope had been keeping at bay came flooding back. that, and a bit of annoyance that now I will have to have an opu and transfer in the middle of our one week at the beach this summer. fuggit.
but mostly the grief. the lost child that was probably lost from the second I felt that lump. maybe even if I'd been on the first flight home it would still have been lost. I don't know.
and we have school hols and I have lots of time with my little boy, and it's not that he's not enough. it's that I have always wanted that other one. particularly a daughter.
I wouldn't swap him for the world, or a million daughters, now that I have him.
as soon as it dawned that the temps were no good, all the regrets and angers that the hope had been keeping at bay came flooding back. that, and a bit of annoyance that now I will have to have an opu and transfer in the middle of our one week at the beach this summer. fuggit.
but mostly the grief. the lost child that was probably lost from the second I felt that lump. maybe even if I'd been on the first flight home it would still have been lost. I don't know.
and we have school hols and I have lots of time with my little boy, and it's not that he's not enough. it's that I have always wanted that other one. particularly a daughter.
I wouldn't swap him for the world, or a million daughters, now that I have him.
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