Tuesday, March 20, 2012

blood test is not till Thursday, but already I know. my temperatures, which had been relatively up, have dived to 37.5 over the past two mornings.and I feel premenstrual, not pregnant. it's day 13po so that makes sense really - I am normally 12 days.

so I took today off and went surfing. had a coffee to get me through the drive down, too. sometimes it's best to just say fuck it and induldge myself.

the psychologist - have I mentioned the psychologist? seen her twice - has said a couple of interesting things. 1) just observe your feelings. I don't know if I like that one, as I am not a fan of detachment. 2) remember you have chosen this path. that sort of helps, except I didn't choose infertility, cancer, etc. 3) oh dear I can't remember the next.

so expecting to bleed even before the test. if so will make them do it early to put me out of misery, and maybe get on with next cycle. though as I've been off the magic tonic for two weeks, I suspect fsh will be high again.

next step, if I take it, is to contact a cousin I have: she is the only relative who fits the profile. early 30s, already has two kids (though may be planning more). smart and able to make her own decisions. that will be such a weird conversation. and who knows what she will think. I don't really know her that well. but she will at least listen.

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