Tuesday, May 29, 2012

so the clinic has a new thing: texting me about appointments instead of calling. so I stared blankly at the text for about a minute after I woke from a groggy nap this afternoon, wondering why I had to turn up 30 minutes early to an appointment. gradually it registered that the appt was tomorrow and that meant it was the embryo transfer. so I am back on the rollercoaster of what if it works, and of course in my mind if it works it is my daughter, at last. and this whole thing is crazy and unlikely. but I am fantasizing that tomorrow the emby will be 8, no, hell 16 cells and it will be fabulous and take like superglue and nine months from now I will have a baby; my genetic child, my baby, snatched at the last moment from a long and horrid medical process. of course this is not how things happen. but if I can be given cancer on my son's first birthday, why not a baby on my 46th?

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